


RC #133,316,666 Mission #8: Earth, Wind, and Ire

by SkarmorySilver



Series: Protectors of the Plot Continuum: Response Center #133,316,666 [9]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Protectors of the Plot Continuum
Genre: Angst, Department of Implausible Crossovers, Department of Mary Sues, Hurt/Comfort, PPC Mission, Speculative fiction, Sporking - Freeform, badfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-17 08:39:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16971372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkarmorySilver/pseuds/SkarmorySilver
Summary: “Roku was just as much Fire Nation as Sozin was, right? If anything, their story proves anyone is capable of great good and great evil. Everyone, even the Fire Lord and the Fire Nation, have to be treated like they're worth giving a chance. And I think it was about friendships too.”— Avatar Aang,Avatar: The Last AirbenderS3E6: “The Avatar and the Fire Lord” (2007)In which Bring Your Kid To Work Day doesn’t go quite as planned.





	RC #133,316,666 Mission #8: Earth, Wind, and Ire

**Author's Note:**

> \- **Copyright Disclaimer:** The PPC and all related property belong to Jay and Acacia.   _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic_ (Rayner’s home continuum) belongs to Hasbro and was created by Lauren Faust. _Kingdom Hearts_ (Binary’s home continuum) belongs to Disney and Square Enix. The _Pokémon_ franchise (Lapis’ home continuum) belongs to Nintendo, Satoshi Tajiri and Game Freak. _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ and _The Legend of Korra_ belong to Nickelodeon and were created by Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. Agent Rayner Blitzkrieg belongs to me, and is based off [Trotsworth](http://trotsworth.deviantart.com/)’s character, Rainbow Blitz. Agents Evangeline von Lilith, Lapis Lazuli, and Falchion also belong to me, as do Panacea and Binary. Nurse Corina Chan, Thrud, and Maya (who appear in the pre-mission) belong to Edhelistar.  
> The fic being sporked, “[Avatar: The Legend of Keyx Book 1: Earth](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8747004/1/Avatar-The-Legend-of-Keyx-Book-1-Earth)”, belongs to [ssj5goku5](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4388621/ssj5goku5), who may kindly keep it.
> 
> \- **Betas:** Edhelistar, Matt Cipher, and S.M.F.
> 
> \- **Rating:** T/PG-13 - Par for the course as fantasy adventures go, but there's a plot-important scene that takes a surprisingly dark turn.
> 
> \- **Note #1:** For the upload of this mission to AO3, Rayner's dialogue has been modified to include the speech patterns given to him since 2017.
> 
> \- **Note #2:** This mission takes place shortly after “[The Gods Must Be Crazy](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YEJvvUPhMgwpZy1sNaXB9uadnwJm7q5vwZNjkfOp0oI/edit?pref=2&pli=1)”, and concurrently with the start of the September 2015[ Body Swap](http://disc.yourwebapps.com/discussion.cgi?disc=199610;article=282362)[ Event](http://disc.yourwebapps.com/discussion.cgi?disc=241484;article=5772;title=PPC%20Message%20Board).
> 
> \- **Original Posting Date:** January 24, 2016
> 
> \- [Original Document](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RTftu9tTT9SAWCOyXtcaCDpxHtT9S0uw7rngoDkcfCQ/edit?usp=sharing)

 

Cover Illustration: “[ Korra and Mako and Peasant ](http://trotsworth.deviantart.com/art/Korra-and-Mako-and-Peasant-298325956) ” by [ Trotsworth](http://trotsworth.deviantart.com/)

 

 

> “Roku was just as much Fire Nation as Sozin was, right? If anything, their story proves anyone is capable of great good and great evil. Everyone, even the Fire Lord and the Fire Nation, have to be treated like they're worth giving a chance. And I think it was about friendships too.”
> 
> — Avatar Aang, _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ S3E6: “The Avatar and the Fire Lord” (2007)

 

**Pre-Mission**

 

“You. Did. _WHAT?!_ ”

Rayner’s cry betrayed a mix of horror, concern, pity, and unbridled fury. Lapis couldn’t look her old friend in the eye, and instead resorted to sitting with her back to the wall, hugging her Oshawott and staring off into space.

It had started as an ordinary trip to Medical, with Rayner picking up his prescription sedative refill, but just before he could head out, he’d heard a sound which he hadn’t heard in quite a while: the sobbing of a certain terrified little blue-haired girl. Realizing that something was wrong, he found Lapis a few moments later. The younger agent, who had an Elizabethan collar around her neck and head for some strange reason, had also been joined by a small group consisting of a dark-haired Asian, a brunette angel with her hair in a bun, and a blue-eyed, pale blonde woman with a Pikachu on her shoulder, shadowed by a Gardevoir.

It hadn’t taken long for Lapis to explain what had happened: she’d gotten into an argument with someone her partner had brought into their RC, which had escalated to the point of violence. Specifically, she’d bitten said newcomer, which is not a good thing when one considers that she had teeth like a great white shark. She’d inexplicably gotten a few spinal bones broken in the midst of the fight, and when she’d stopped by Medical to have them fixed up, the poor girl had felt so terrible that she’d donned not only a prescribed back brace, but the cone of shame as well.

“It wasn’t my fault! He was being so mean, and I just couldn’t stop myself!” Lapis tried to bury her face in her hands, but had to settle for putting her palms on the plastic. “This is the second time I’ve bitten someone, and I never thought I’d go so far again…”

Rayner sighed and shook his head. The bite mark on his left wrist, which had long since faded into markings on his skin, seemed to tingle at that moment.

“Pika-chu ka pikachu!” the Pikachu commented, making Lapis cringe. “Pika-chu pi pika-chu pikaa pi pi-kapichu pipi pika ka pi-pikakachuu!”

“ _Sure, like you are so very good at it, leaving those ‘Nuggets’ in your bed…_ ” the Gardevoir replied telepathically.

The dark-haired boy flinched a little. “Pi, I’m just the messenger here, so uh, don’t hate me for this, but Thrud apparently said that you can’t even control yourself—”

“Which isn’t true, Falchion!” Lapis cried. “Well, it _was_ , but I lost my powers when I first came to the PPC. You’d think _you_ would know that first-hand! You _wrote_ me, for Arceus’ sake!”

“Our _author_ knows, Pi,” Falchion replied, shrugging. “There’s a difference. Especially because I didn’t know about his history until _after_ I got here.”

Rayner looked somewhat curious despite his indignation. “How’d you two first meet, anyway?”

“Bumped into each other at Rudi’s,” replied Falchion. “Awkwardness ensued, natch.”

“Ah.”

The Nurse glared at both of her Pokémon. “Being able to control powers is meaningless when you cannot control how you act,” she said, her gaze fixed on her Pokémon. She then turned to Lapis. “This is something I learned the hard way.”

“I know, Nurse Chan. I know.”

“What was so bad about the argument that you’d take it so, uh, personally, anyway?” asked Falchion, reaching for her shoulder.

“He mocked my disability!” Lapis cried, swatting his hand away with her prosthetic. “He said I was useless because of it and the fact that I was a Sue! What kind of ableist a-hole _does_ that, anyway?”

Triton nodded, pouting. Lapis idly scratched under his chin with her good hand.

“Lapis lost her hand to a God-Mode Stu some time ago,” Panacea explained to a horrified Rayner. “We tried to salvage what was left, but we couldn’t risk getting her infected with glitter a second time.”

Rayner knelt down next to the blue-haired girl, his expression grim. “Lapis, I’m sorry I didn’t know sooner about what happened to you. Hey, can I see your prosthetic for a minute or two? Gotta check to see if it has glitter.”

“S-sure.” Lapis took off said prosthetic and handed it to him. She was a little confused when he started sniffing the part that would’ve connected with her arm, but she didn’t care.

“I advised you against joining, but you would not listen.” The blonde Nurse sighed. “Arceus knows I have seen enough children die…”

“Well, I not only lived, but _killed the Stu_ as well,” Lapis replied, pouting. “Granted, it was an accident, but…”

Falchion sighed and shook his head. “Look, Pi, I-I know you should feel relieved or something that you escaped that disaster in one piece, but uh, I’m not sure if bragging about the aftermath seems like a good idea. See, our author believes he’s got Aspergers or something, though he isn’t sure if it’s true. But did he bring it up to try and earn sympathy when he got called out for mistreating other people?”

“That wasn’t what I was trying to do!” Lapis looked at him, offended. “This little stump here isn’t some country club permission slip, you know. My personality is what matters most of all, and I’m working on exactly that.”

“I know, I know. For what it’s worth, though, you haven’t let the fact that you were once one of my terrible OCs get to your head. So why should your disability lead to the same thing?”

“Falchion speaks wisely,” said Panacea. “I’ve never let my past dictate how I feel, and I think we could all do well to think the same way. Of course, I’m speaking as a former bit character, but the point is the same.”

“Our past is what makes us, what defines us,” said Nurse Chan. “Without it, would you even be here?” She gazed at Panacea, before turning back to Lapis. “What’s important is to not let it _rule_ you.”

Lapis sniffled a little. “I guess so. But that doesn’t change the fact that _discrediting me based on my history—_ ”

Rayner cut her off. “Whoever made you do this, both his behavior and your response were totally uncalled for. I know I’m not supposed t’ make you feel even worse, but I won’t stand for that level of stupidity — especially not after you’ve come so far.”

“But not far enough!” Lapis bared her teeth at Rayner, at the same time snatching her prosthetic from him and putting it back on. “I didn’t spend half a year struggling through the job market in HQ to have people treat me like I’m some useless piece of glitter who can’t do anything right! Nick wouldn’t have wanted them to think of me that way, didn’t he?”

Lapis began sobbing again and hugged her Oshawott tighter. “Nick… O-oh, Nick… I went so far for his sake, and _this_ is the thanks I get?”

Thrud, who had been engaging in an escalating argument with Triton throughout all this, gave her a nasty look and retorted, “Kapi ka kachupi pi pipikapiikachu.” Even without a word of English, Thrud’s voice sounded clearly scornful.

Triton let out a cry of rage and lunged for Thrud, scalchop-first, but Lapis grabbed his tail at the last moment, causing him to faceplant instead. At the same time, a ray of energy hit the Pikachu, who turned into energy and was returned to her Poké Ball.

“ _Det räcker!_ I might not understand those words, but I feel the intent behind them,” the Nurse grumbled, putting the Poké Ball back in her pocket.

Falchion turned his head away, his expression clearly uncomfortable. “…Yeah, I’m not gonna translate what the mouse said, either.”

“And I’m _glad_ for that, too,” Rayner added, cracking his knuckles. Lapis huddled a little closer to him, whimpering.

“Maya.” The Nurse turned to the Gardevoir. “ _Snälla, gå med barnet från Barnkammare._ ”

 _“As you wish, Miss,”_ answered Maya telepathically, and began to take her leave. She then stopped in front of Falchion and stared into his eyes. “ _I can see beyond that disguise_ ,” she said to him.

“Heh, it’s okay. I get that all the time.” Falchion rubbed the back of his hair.

Then Nurse Chan snapped her fingers, grabbing the Embrace Pokémon’s attention. “ _Maya, är barnet väntar_.”

Without another action, Maya left the place for the children’s wing from Medical, leaving Lapis to continue sniffling and hugging Triton.

Falchion, who had had to rely on his Universal Translator to understand the Swedish, raised an eyebrow. “Did one of your patients get hurt? I’m, uh, sorry to hear that.”

“Not actually,” the Nurse replied, “one of my patients bit another kid from the Nursery and I had to bring him here.”

Lapis would swear she felt her spine tingle.

“That wasn’t you, wasn’t it?” asked Falchion.

Nurse Chan rubbed her nose bridge and muttered, “ _Käre Arceus_...”

Lapis likewise shook her head, looking similarly annoyed. “For your information, _Andy,_ I argued with a former replacement of Shulk from _Xenoblade Chronicles_ , and as far as I know, _he_ wasn’t Nursery-age — even if he _acted_ like he was!”

Before anyone could say anything further, however, Rayner gasped and clutched his temple, feeling a sudden sharp pain. Before he could excuse himself, a familiar voice reverberated in his head.

_Hey Pony Boy, you there?_

_Ow ow_ owww _, you could’ve just knocked!_

_Hard to knock when you’re on one end of HQ and I’m on the other. Anyway, we’ve got a mission._

_Huh? Wazzup?_

Avatar: The Last Airbender _-slash-_ Legend of Korra _. I have some knowledge of the latter series, but I could use some help with the former. I still don’t trust Binary to reliably deliver canon knowledge, you know._

_You familiar with that meme on Tumblr where you try and locate someone in a crowd by sayin’ somethin’ they’d take offense to? ‘Cuz that’s kinda what you’re doing right now. I’ll be right there!_

Looking at the others, Rayner realized that they were all staring at him. He also thought he’d heard Panacea mumble something about migraine medication.

“Hey, what’s going on?” asked Falchion.

“ _Avatar_ / _Korra_ mission,” replied Rayner. “Glitter Girl needs me ASAP, so I guess I— ”

“I want to come with you,” said Lapis.

Everyone stared at her, dumbfounded.

Nurse Chan sighed. “Lazuli, I do _not_ think this is—” started Nurse Chan, but Lapis cut her off.

The blue-haired girl stood up, wincing a little as she felt the pressure her back brace exerted on her fractured vertebrae. “I can handle it, don’t worry. I know _Avatar_ better than Rayner does, so if anyone should go, it should be me.”

“You’ve still got your cone of shame, though,” said Panacea.

“I _said,_ ” said Lapis, “I can handle it.”

Everyone looked at each other, silently debating. And then Nurse Chan spoke.

“As you wish. If you _think_ you are adult enough to make your own decisions, I will let you live with their consequences. If you are still alive after the mission, come to my office immediately. In the meantime, I have other patients to attend to.”  At that point the Nurse began to take her leave.

Lapis bowed her head, scooping up her Oshawott again. “Y-yeah, sure. I guess I deserve it anyway.”

“Wait, wait!” said Rayner. “I can help her, the way I’ve done for like what, three years?”

“You’re not a psychologist or a pediatrician, though,” Falchion replied. “And neither am I, even though I’m her author’s persona. There’s nothing any of us can do at this point.”

“But she—”

Nurse Chan stopped in her tracks and eyed Rayner darkly. “Fine, then,” she replied a moment later. “I’ll leave it in your hands to make sure she gets to her appointment alive.” With that, she turned and left, leaving the agents to their fate.

Rayner bristled for a moment as he watched her go, but then he sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Well, I guess that’s it, then. C’mon, Lapis, we’ve got a job to do.”

“Good luck!” said Falchion. “I’ll probably be back in my RC if you need me. Hopefully!”

“I’ll try to stop by this weekend,” said Lapis as she prepared to follow Rayner out of Medical. “Though with the Ironic Overpower watching, who _knows_ what’ll happen?”

 

**********

 

 

 

> [Lapis Lazuli. Original Character, _Pokémon_ continuum, anime subcontinuum. Mary Sue. I really like her hair!]

 

Lapis sweat-dropped, the liquid splashing around the inside of her cone of shame. “Seriously?”

“Ignore the C-CAD,” E.V.L.’s severed head replied from the console desk, her body clipping the device back on her belt with her conjured talon of dark matter. “He just likes to call everyone a Mary Sue because he thinks it’s funny.”

“Wasn’t Lapis an ex-Suvian, though?” asked Binary. “That sorta counts.”

“No, it doesn’t!” Lapis replied, a vein-crossing symbol briefly appearing on her head. “Why do you think I got so mad in the first place? This isn’t the first time people have judged me by my cover, you know.”

“I certainly don’t,” said Rayner, patting her head. “And I think it’d do both of ya good to regard her in the same light. Enough of that, though… What’ve we got?”

“Well, have you _read_ the summary?” said Binary, before he let out a brief flicker of radio static and began mimicking the squeaky voice of a Suethor. “ **Orphaned at a young age and forced by an evil overlord to fend for himself, Keyx, a human boy, must overcome obstacles and find his destiny to protect his new friends on their journey to save the world... The first chapter is hard to get through but if you give it a chance it gets good as you go on. Somewhat lore friendly, i tried to make it merge into the world, sorry if it doesnt** ”

E.V.L. walked over to her head and put it back on. “That doesn’t tell us very much, though. Most summaries don’t cover even half of the awfulness lurking within.”

“Deceptively generic, huh?” said Rayner, licking his lips. “I’m guessin’ this takes place either before or after both canon series. Most likely after.”

“If this involves an entire uncanon world like my homefic did, there’s at least one benefit,” said Lapis. “No need to neuralyze anybody unless they get dragged in directly.”

“Don’t get your hopes up,” replied Binary.

“What do we disguise ourselves as?” asked Lapis, idly taking out her hair dye and spraying her locks. “Human? Bender? I’m guessing bender…”

“I’m not sure if we should refer to ’em as that, honestly,” said Rayner. “It’s a slang term for homosexuals in Britain, and seein’ as I’m gay...”

Lapis covered her mouth, alarm flickering in her large eyes. “O-oh! Sorry, I didn’t know!”

“I don’t think there’s any other term that fits, though,” said E.V.L. “At any rate, you’ll have to go as humans at least. I don’t trust you with knowledge of the bending arts.”

“Says the witch who uses shadow manipulation on every single mission,” said Rayner, smirking and elbowing her ribs.

“There _was_ a ‘shadowbender’ in one of the bonus comics,” said Binary. “But those aren’t official, so that doesn’t count — and anyway, the character was fan-submitted.”

“ _I’m_ also a fan-creation, technically speaking, so at least to me, that’s a moot point,” replied E.V.L., wrapping her Thneed around the seam on her neck. “One thing’s for sure, though: Canon-appropriate outfits. All of us.”

“Damn straight,” said Rayner, programming them into the Disguise Generator. “Though we may have t’ bring a D.O.R.K.S. just in case — not to mention a Crash-Test Dummy, due to this fic bein’ first-person.”

“Osha?” Triton tugged at Lapis’ pant leg, as though asking if he wanted to come.

Rayner shook his head. “If we’re goin’ into a non-canon follow-up to the _Korra_ series, I dunno whether Otter Penguins will still be around. Besides, bringin’ pets on missions could be a huge distraction. Remember when Spike tried his claw at pet-sitting? _Not_ fun.”

“But I — he — Ugh, fine,” said Lapis. “Sorry, Triton, but I’m afraid you’ll have to sit this one out.”

“Don’t worry, little guy,” Binary added, trying to sound encouraging. “You’ve got a few buddies to keep you company while we’re out, right?”

Right on cue, Pegasusi the mini-Discord materialized over the despondent Oshawott with a POOF and produced a cotton candy cloud which promptly rained chocolate milk onto his head.

“Well, he’s got company all right,” said Lapis, sweat-dropping once more before swiping a beige cube from a nearby table. “Anyway, can we go now?”

“We go when we go, don’t we?” said Binary. “We’re not going right this instant, so does that mean we’re never going at all?”

Rayner opened up a portal. “Whatever,” he said, snatching the dummy from Lapis before motioning for the others to hop into the badfic. “Now, will ya just set yourself to mute and stick to readin’s for this mission?”

“Eeeenope!”

 

********************

 

**Act One**

  * Soundtrack: [_The Legend of Korra_ — “Before”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWkdZK2TVwU)



 

The agents stepped into the pre-fic space, dressed in strangely generic Republic City clothing. E.V.L. had dark brown eyes and curly, equally dark brown hair that fell to her middle back (her Thneed was now a scarf much like Mako’s), Rayner had a chocolate-brown mullet, and Lapis had black hair and a metallic right arm, although her eyes remained bright blue and felt only a little smaller. The pre-fic space around them was as white as any other.

“Fake arms are a thing in this world, right?” Rayner asked, raising an eyebrow at Lapis.

“Teo’s dad in the first series had to replace a few of his fingers after trying to perfect a hand-mounted knife sharpener,” said Lapis. “And anyway, prosthetics have been around in World One since Ancient Egypt(1), so I don’t see why a whole fake arm can’t make sense with a little tech advancement. Anyway, how soon are we starting?”

“Right about now, actually,” said Rayner. “There’s no introductory Author’s Notes or anythin’…”

“…which should give us around five seconds before I get my hand stuck in my chest again,” E.V.L. finished, grimacing.

Rayner took the hint, taking out the beige cube and tossing it away. Sure enough, the dummy inflated, forming into the shape of a boy who was curled up on the Generic Floor, apparently sleeping. At the same time, the agents ducked as the text “ **Chapter One: Awakening** ” whizzed over their heads.

 

 

 

> **I dreamt of my childhood. I was a troubled young boy. Orphaned at the age of six I had to fend for myself on the streets of the royal city. It was a rough life but I managed with the help of a few shop keepers I knew. The royal city was huge, probably over a couple million people, and for such a small country, that was saying something. I knew that I had little chance for survival, but everyone around me acted like I was something special. The humans were kind to me only because I was one of them, but the other races, not so much.**

 

Unfortunately, the setting lacked any description aside from being a “royal city”. Thus, it looked as though a certain blind Earthbender had drawn it with her non-dominant hand, erased it, and then drawn over it again.

Lapis stared at the Words, her eyelid twitching. “Other races? _Other races?!_ Why would you put ‘other races’ in the _Avatar_ universe?! There’s only _one_ , and that’s the _human_ race!”

Binary, who was clipped to E.V.L.’s belt, fizzled threateningly. “Of all the worlds they could’ve chosen to turn into a generic fantasy-verse, _why_ this one?!”

“If only I knew,” E.V.L. replied.

The Words then began describing the day when the narrator’s parents died. A wagon had pulled up to his parents’ house, and two men appeared: an elf with pointed ears and a pudgy human. One argument later, a violent scuffle broke out, leading to the Stu’s mother being skewered in the gut.

Rayner instinctively broke out his sedative while the other agents watched in horror.

“Elves?” Lapis whispered, not daring to take her eyes away from the scene before her. “ _Elves?!…_ ”

E.V.L., however, was concerned for different reasons. “Awww, _boo-hoo_ , my parents were killed by the royal guard,” she drawled, a puddle of Sar-Plasm splattering at her feet. “But really, is having a trajeck backstory practically a _requirement_ for a Suvian Avatar?”

Lapis snapped out of her morbid fascination and turned to the other female. “Well, on the one hand, we’ve got Aang’s people, who were slaughtered by the Fire Nation, but on the other hand, Korra’s childhood had no problems whatsoever. The key factor here is the writer’s skill.”

The scene changed around the agents, who struggled to keep their balance. Next thing they knew, they found themselves in a badly-drawn prison. Apparently, a week after fleeing his parents’ house, the Stu had been captured and brought to the king, who was apparently **and Elf** just like his parents’ murderer. He **commanded a country of just over eight million, had a wife and four children, and yet he remained, well I can only explain it as evil.**

Rayner facepalmed. “Sweet Celestia, this is like Fire Lord Ozai all over again! Except he’s got pointy ears and a bigger family!”

“Would now be a good time for me to ask if you could switch off my scanner until further notice?” said Binary. “I’d rather not blow up so close to your crotch, thank you.”

“Good thinking,” E.V.L. replied, complying to the device’s request. “Save your snark for if and when actual canons show up, _please_.”

“ _…Elves…_ ” Lapis whispered, staring off into the badly-drawn nothingness.

 

 

 

> **I was to be imprisoned until I cooperated with his demands. I spent a couple months in his dungeons, not understanding what I was there for. I knew nothing of any** **_bending,_ ** **nor did I know the term** **_Avatar._ **

 

There was a noise like a pop-gun from E.V.L.’s belt, which made Lapis yell in fright and jump three feet in the air. Rayner had to grab the younger girl’s arm to keep her from blowing their cover.

“Binary!” the male agent growled. “Are ya  _sure_ you had your scanner turned off?!”

“Sorry!” said Binary, his duct-taped casing emanating a wisp of smoke. “And yes, I certainly am! You can ask your partner if you don’t believe me. It’s just, well, the fact that I popped a fuse _with the scanner disabled_...”

“I know, right?!” said Lapis, gritting her teeth. “If this is after Korra, the term Avatar should be a household name by now — and more importantly, how would a character who _can’t bend at all_ learn even _one_ element the way this stupid king is trying to train him to do, let alone all four?!”

“Which means that we aren’t just dealing with Suvian characters, but _an entire Suvian world_ as well!” said Binary.

The world shifted around them twice in rapid succession, taking them first two years forward, and then six, but the Word World was so poorly defined that the scene shifts only resulted in minor tremors. It continued shifting around for quite some time after that, with the story jumping from setting to setting with just as much success at tipping the agents over.

E.V.L. raised an eyebrow at Binary’s comment. “A Suvian world, huh? Well, I could get used to this…”

“Don’t. You. Buckin’. Dare,” muttered Rayner. “And by the way, just ’cuz the world gets the details wrong doesn’t mean it’s Suvian necessarily. When we kill this badfic, though, the world contained therein will surely die with it.”

“A fair point. Though taking over this world still sounds tempting…”

Rayner, fed up with the game, reached over to his partner and snatched the C-CAD from her. “Hey Lapis, could you please distract the witch for me?” he asked to the girl in question. “She’s gettin’ more infuriatin’ by the second!”

Lapis huffed. “I need something to take my mind off the badfic anyway. Shame I left my card decks back at my team’s RC, or I would’ve invited you guys to a few rounds of Texas Hold ’Em.”

E.V.L., forgetting her indignation at having the device taken away, grinned and pulled a little box from her hammerspace. “I don’t know so much about Texas Hold ’Em,” she said, “but I _do_ know of a poker variant that uses tarot cards instead. Have you ever read Tim Powers’ novel, _Last Call_?”

“Uh… no?”

E.V.L. chuckled darkly, opening up the box and taking out a deck of antique-looking cards. “A major plot point of that book is a high-stakes card game known as Assumption(2), which is supposedly a popular arcane pastime. _Supposedly_. Alas, there won’t be any human souls at risk here, but that doesn’t make it any less entertaining.”

“Human souls?!” Lapis shivered a little before chuckling. “Well, as long as I don’t end up being dragged into the Ghost World, I’m game. So, how does this work?”

E.V.L. flashed a malevolent grin, conjuring a wispy shadow tendril which curled up into a disc-like shape. “Ideally, Assumption requires thirteen players at a time, but it can be played with fewer. Since there’s just the two of us, we’ll basically be buying from and betting against each other. I must warn you, however, that the end of the game is the reverse of typical poker. If you have a ‘winning’ outcome, you lose the game — and, in a perfect world, your soul as well…”

While E.V.L. began explaining the rules of the game to the slightly disturbed ex-Sue, Rayner and Binary continued reading the Words with growing dismay.

 

 

 

> **That is until I learned of a group of benders living of the coast of this continent. The great continent of Tarok was huge; it covered most of the eastern hemisphere. The island I had learned of was named Kyoshi Island, named after a great Avatar.**
> 
> **So I began my travel to Kyoshi Island, traveling mostly by carriage. I had made it to the coast only to find that I had no way over the ocean.**

 

Rayner shook his head. “Okay, two things. One, the major continent of the _Avatar_ universe never had a defined name to begin with, so we’ll never know whether Tarok is canon or not. And two, I don’t think Tarok sounds very Asian at all, so even if the inhabitants _did_ name it somewhere along the timeline, they wouldn’t have used that name. Does remind me of Tarrlok, though…”

“Yeah, that’s the thing with _Avatar_ badfics,” said Binary. “There’s no rhyme or reason to the names because the names in canon don’t follow a specific set of guidelines… do they?”

“There _is_ a guideline in that almost all the civilizations are at least somewhat Asian-inspired, with the exception of the Water Tribe which takes more cues from the Inuit. And in general, _Avatar-_ verse names are Asian in nature with only a few exceptions from very specific regions or cultures. This goes for places as well as people, mind you.”

The agents watched the Stu haggle with a random merchant, who was apparently a goblin. This lasted for a few lines (or a few hours, in the Stu’s case), until he was captured once again by the king’s men.

“Ugh, ‘ho hum’ is an understatement here,” said Binary, flashing a -_-’ emote on his little screen. “It’s just oodles of exposition and flashbacks. There _is_ mention of some sort of **High Elven Council** and their evil leader **Daichi** trying to take over the world somewhere down the line, but we might as well skip a chapter or two if we wanna get anything _really_ interesting.”

“There are only ten chapters in this fic, as opposed to like what, twenty episodes per season in the original AtLA series?” said Rayner, taking out his RA. “All the same, I suppose you’ve got the right idea. Hey girls, you up for jumpin’ to the first major charge-worthy scene after the guy wakes up? We’re getting bored over here.”

“As long as I get the time to keep playing, we should be okay with that,” replied Lapis.

E.V.L., who had started dealing the first round of cards, was using the shadowy disc suspended in front of her as a makeshift poker table, complete with a lamprey-like orifice at the center to hold her Bag of Holding and the bid pile inside. “Agreed. Even _I_ have lost interest with all this nothingness and awful scribbles, which is saying something. Which way shall you take us?”

Binary checked the Words. “I’ll say this much: If you’ve ever wanted to meet Avatar Korra, today is your lucky day.”

E.V.L. and Lapis exchanged identically uncomfortable looks, the former tugging at her Thneed a little. “ _No thank you,_ ” they responded at the same time.

“Hey, I was just kidding!” The C-CAD let out a snicker that sounded like radio static. “It’s just a bit character named after the canon Korra. She _is_ , however, descended from the Beifong family.”

Lapis turned slightly pale. “Descended? So this is _waaaay_ post- _Korra_ , right?”

“Give or take a millennium,” replied E.V.L. “Which begs the question — where did the Elves come from?”

“Well, why don’t we hear that from one Arabella Beifong?” asked Rayner, opening a portal. “Who’s charged with havin’ a first name that doesn’t fit the series, by the way. Anyway, ladies first! Next stop, Kyoshi Island!”

The agents stepped through the portal to find themselves in a dark room, just as the Stu, a nondescript teenage girl, and a nondescript old woman entered. The old woman’s words confirmed Lapis’ suspicion.

**"I must tell you what has been passed down through lore and legend for three hundred years. It has never left Kyoshi Island, nor has it been printed in books. Only few know the truth of what happened, Korra, would you be a dear and shut the door, this is only for your ears to hear."**

“Don’t forget _our_ ears,” said Binary, turning down the volume on his speaker so only the agents could hear. “And, uh, guys? Shouldn’t we hide before they notice us?”

“Oh, _buck!_ Totally forgot, sorry!” Rayner ushered the group into a corner, and they attempted to blend into the darkness while the old lady, Arabella, began her sorry tale. It seemed to be a re-hash of both of the canon series, until…

 

 

> **Avatar Korra lived out her days in the Southern Water Tribe where she was born, but she was called upon again in a time of distress. Many of what we now call Portals had opened in the world, cutting a rift in the balance and nature of our planet. Avatar Korra was powerless to stop them and many different races of beings began to flood our world.**

 

“Not to be confused with the portals that _we_ use, of course,” said E.V.L. “Though as of the second _Korra_ season, they are actually canon for reasons which I won’t spoil for Lapis’ sake.”

“At least it’s better than havin’ the races be part o’ the _Avatar_ ’verse to begin with,” said Rayner. “And kudos to the author for makin’ the elves outright evil, which isn’t somethin’ I’ve seen a lot in fanfiction. The Tolkien ones are dicks, elven agents notwithstandin’, but they’re not outright malicious(3).”

 

 

> **Avatar Korra fought them with all her might, but she was brought down, and with her dying breath she looked into the eyes of her people, and the eyes of her attackers and uttered one simple sentence, 'All will be forgiven, only when all is lost' then she activated her Avatar State, and before the glow left, she was beheaded. She purposely ended the Avatar cycle, so as to restore prosperity, at the expense of peace."**

 

“On second thought, kudos retracted,” said Rayner, gritting his teeth. “Buckin’ prophecies bein’ inserted into everythin’…”

Lapis and E.V.L. both stared at each other in horror, almost frozen mid-deal (their table had already devoured a substantial pile of items by this point).

“Even though the notion of the cycle ceasing if the Avatar is killed in their Avatar State _is_ true to canon,” said Lapis, “the idea that Korra would purposely end the cycle in a bid to stop the warring races is ridiculously OOC for her! Not to mention _extremely_ dangerous…”

“This is _years_ after the end of the _Korra_ series, though,” said E.V.L. “Who knows what could happen between then and now? Also, I raise you 20 Pokébuck and the Razor Fang.”

“Not so fast. I’m calling your bet, and throwing in a stack of my homemade Poffins for good measure.”

“Ew, no thank you. I hope you won’t forgive me for saying that your cooking simply _sucks_.”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Oh, _please_. Even _I_ know that, and it’s why I always get Cupid to make dinner for the rest of us if we can’t get the time to go to Rudi’s!”

The mass of burnt gruel ended up in the pile anyway.

The fic went on to describe how, despite everything that had happened, the Avatar had somehow returned, and was here on Kyoshi Island. Rayner snorted loudly.

“Y’know what, we’re skippin’ to Chapter 2,” he said. “The prose is getting a little purple this time, and that’s definitely _not_ my color.”

“So, there’s nothing else in this chapter to pay attention to?” asked E.V.L., still debating as to whether Lapis’ card hand was worth buying.

“Aside from Not!Korra takin’ the Stu to some kinda chamber that’s apparently bender-access only — no doubt a ripoff of the one from the Western Air Temple but with Earthbending — we won’t be missin’ much. As for what’s inside the chamber, though…”

Rayner opened a portal and led the group through. The setting was better defined here, and the agents and the C-CAD marveled at the scale and magnificence (relatively speaking) of the room they were now in, along with the statues of elaborately-dressed men and women that filled it from end to end.

The agents hid behind a random statue as the Stu, Not!Korra, and Arabella explored the room as well. The Stu, in particular, was drawn to the statue of a woman who looked rather familiar.

“Okay, so _that’s_ Avatar Korra,” said E.V.L. “I’m not sure what this means, though, the fact that she’s d—”

“It _means,_ ” said Lapis, “that there technically _shouldn’t_ be a new Avatar. The cycle would end permanently if she was killed in the Avatar State, remember?”

“Huh, didn’t we already take care of that?” said Binary. “I’m pretty sure I heard you ladies discuss it last chapter…”

“Already noted,” said Rayner. “Should’ve been pretty buckin’ obvious, too, that one.”

 

> **I looked over to the Avatar next to her, an Air Nomad. "This is Avatar Aang. He fought against Firelord Ozai in the Hundred Years War. He was the last Air bender." I quoted most of that from a book I had read when I was ten.**

 

Two small creatures suddenly poofed into existence: a lemur with large ears and leathery webbed wings attached to its arms, and the world’s smallest six-legged, beaver-tailed, levitating cow.

Lapis let out a squee that sounded like “Minis!” before catching herself. “Ahem. Hm. I’m guessing the lemur is **Hundred Years War** , and the mini-Sky Bison is **Air bender**. Right?”

“For the first, it’s the… Hundred Year War, non-plural,” said Binary. “And for the second, Airbender is a… single… Yeah, single word. Erm, that makes sense, right?”

“Yes, it does,” said E.V.L. “Have you actually seen the series, however? Either of them?”

“Don’t look at me! I’m just a little hunk of plastic and duct-tape with an access to the most complete knowledge repository of all things canon.”

“So, you’re basically cheating?”

The C-CAD now had a ^^; emote on his screen. “I-it’s not like that! I just _happen_ to have the _basic_ routine of comparing my readings of the character to their canon portrayal—”

“Be that as it may, it’s still cheating. Just admit it, your AI is built to serve as a _character_ , not as a utility device. Am I right, _Not!Data Sora?_ ” She winked at the C-CAD, who fizzled slightly.

“Are you gonna keep yammering or are you gonna continue your game?”

E.V.L. shrugged. “You haven’t heard the end of this, Binary. Mark my words. Now, where were we?”

“We were near the end of our first round,” said Lapis. “And I was just about to call your bluff before the minis popped up.”

“Rayner, can you please send the minis away from here?” asked E.V.L. “You said Lapis’ Oshawott wasn’t allowed to come, so…”

“Way ahead of ya,” said Rayner, opening a portal and dropping the mini off at the OFUAtLA.

Meanwhile, the Stu had already finished communicating with the previous Avatars. He was currently explaining his past to Not!Korra and Arabella, who sympathized with him. It didn’t take long before they decided that Not!Korra would teach him Earthbending.

“So, he is a bender after all,” said E.V.L., shuffling the deck for the second round.

“We don’t know that yet,” said Lapis. “He needs to demonstrate it first.”

“He does,” said Binary, checking the Words a little further along. “It’s not until a few training sessions from now, but for someone who’s _literally not bent anything_ up to this point, he sure gets the hang of it pretty quickly. We also finally find out his name: **Keyx**.”

“Keyx?” asked Lapis, before making a ‘gag me’ gesture. “Are you sure it’s not ‘Cakes’ or something?”

“Looks like Xtreme Kool Letterz™ are a thing in this world as well,” asked Rayner. “And really, masterin’ bendin’ after fourteen years of knowin’ diddly-squat about it? Speshul much?”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” said Lapis. “I picked up enough poker skills in less than a day to nail a brief winning streak on my first try. Raise you forty, by the way,” she added to E.V.L.

“Poker can be learned by anyone,” the ex-Ficubus replied, shaking her head. “Bending, on the other hand, is a skill that you either get from birth or not at all. And mastery of it certainly isn’t something that happens overnight—”

“Unless your name is Katara, of course,” Lapis replied, chuckling. “Where to, Rayner?”

“Probably Chapter Three, though we may pick up some food at the village feast commemoratin’ the guy’s arrival near the end of this chapter, as well as grab a mini-Dragon that shows up in the intro of Iroh’s descendant.”

“Zuko’s uncle or General Iroh from _Korra_?” asked Lapis.

“At this point, I’m guessing the latter,” said E.V.L. “And as for food, I thought I packed three days’ worth of pastries I bought from the bakery of the uncanon kingdom we visited during that _Lorax_ mission.”

Rayner shook his head. “If we’re gonna finish this sporkin’, which will apparently take quite a bit longer than I thought, we’ll need protein as well. Sadly, I used up the last o’ the Mysterious Wall Chickens Valon gave me yesterday, so I’ll ask for more next time. For now, of course, we’ll have to grab what we can.”

“I’m honestly curious,” Binary said to Lapis. “Where did you learn poker in the first place? Not from your homefic, I’m guessing?”

“Chakkik taught me most of it,” she replied, shrugging. “We had to find a way to pass the time when that pirate Stu turned out to be too boring, so—”

“Wait, you met him, too?” Rayner paused in the midst of dialing portal coordinates.

“Cupid and I worked with the guy and his new partner once. _Pirates of the Caribbean_ crossed with _The Little Mermaid_. Fun times.”

“At least both are Disney property,” said Binary. “Though from what Rayner told me, Chakkik’s a boss monster, an alcoholic, and a sociopath. In short, _not nice._ ”

“And I can say with confidence that he and I didn’t get along so well, either,” E.V.L. growled. “How did you manage to establish such cordiality with that filthy insect, anyway?”

Lapis gave her a stern look. “He may be nasty and a little terrifying, sure, but he knows how to deal with badfic most of the time. The key phrase being ‘ _most_ of the time’ — I got straddled with the task of bailing him out, so he kinda owes me for that one.”

“ _You_ saved _his_ hide?” said Rayner. “What happened?!”

Lapis glared at nothing in particular. “Word of advice: If you want to go up against a hideous, deific, Suvian, canon-violating, poker-friend-mutilating son of a _fish-fucker—_ ” She ignored E.V.L.’s startled gasp and Binary’s warning [BEEP!] — “do _not_ bring a pair of Sawtooth Sabers that can be easily discarded.”

She turned away to hide her expression of utter loathing, folding her arms, and added, “Bring Davy Jones’ Kraken instead.”

And that was the end of that particular conversation.

The agents remained silent as they briefly stopped over the village feast, sending **Fire bender** the mini-Dragon to the OFUAtLA and then sneaking more than a few choice cuts of meat from what looked like **a cooked cross between a donkey and a gorilla.** Rayner ate his current portion with gusto as they slipped through the portal into the third chapter.

 

> **Cha** **pter Three: The Escape**
> 
> **I awoke to a ray of sunshine glowing through the window onto my eyes. When I opened them I saw a cat standing on my chest looking at me. "Good morning Avatar, now that you're awake we can continue your training."**
> 
> **I jumped when the cat spoke, which with good reason made the cat angry, because it went hissing threw the air and landed with a thud a good three feet from me. "You're a talking cat!"**

 

“Lapis, if you know what’s good for you, I think it’ll be best for you to quit screamin’ every two minutes, _ja?_ ” said Rayner. “And get your butt outta my hair, while you’re at it.”

“Ah! S-sorry!”

Almost as soon as the cat had spoken, Lapis had outright _shrieked_ and leaped onto Rayner’s head. Luckily, the agents had portaled to outside the house, so they didn’t attract the attention of either of the badfic characters.

The younger girl found it hard to calm down after stepping back onto the Generic Ground and picking up the cards she’d dropped. Thankfully, at least she didn’t react any more than the other agents did when after Keyx followed the cat downstairs, the Beifong descendants introduced him as **Chi** , and he himself revealed that he was Not!Korra’s Earthbending teacher.

The agents did a synchronized facepalm, and even the C-CAD flashed a (－‸ლ) emote at the same time.

“How long have you been using emojis to communicate, anyway?” asked Lapis.

“A while,” replied Binary. “And as for Chi, CAF? I’m guessing CAF.”

“As far as I know, the only talking animals are from the Spirit World, so if Chi turns out to be a migrant from there, I wouldn’t be surprised at all.”

“Yeah, but if he’s a resident of the _mortal world_ …”

“Don’t finish that.”

As if to confirm the agents’ suspicions, the cat, apparently a _male_ calico, began radiating some kind of draconic aura.

“We may have to cut to the first action scene and find the main charges from here on out,” Rayner said to Lapis. “I don’t wanna drag this mission for too long, in case we miss your appointment with Nurse Chan.”

“Where to, then?” asked E.V.L., shuffling the tarot deck again.

Lapis checked the Words. “We can skip past the training scenes after this. They last about two months before anything new happens, after which the Stu has to leave the island because word’s going around that someone’s after him.”

“Three guesses as to who it is, and the first two don’t count,” said Binary.

E.V.L. looked further down the fic as well. “The characters don’t actually find out who it is at this point,” she said, “but the Stu does run into Taio, that grandson of General Iroh we snuck past earlier. As for what happens, well, it’s best if we see it ourselves.”

“Uh-oh. I-it’s not gonna be g-good, isn’t it?” asked Lapis, shivering.

“You heard what I said, didn’t you? Anyway, after you, Lapis.” She mentally instructed Rayner to open a portal, and though he shot back that she was acting bossy again as usual, he did so anyway.

The agents emerged in a dark alley, hiding behind a few random trash cans. The Stu, who was also in hiding, was apparently wearing a blindfold in order to help with his seismic sense — a technique no doubt passed down through the ages thanks to Toph and Lin. As for what they were hiding _from…_

 

 

 

> **"What of the Avatar?" a deep voiced man responded.**
> 
> **"He is none the wiser. Him and that old bat Beifong will be the first to go, we just need your go ahead and they will all suffer."**
> 
> **"In that case I'll send the battalion, expect it to arrive in three days' time. Once the siege begins, kill the Avatar. I don't care about the old woman; do with her as you wish."**

 

Rayner began trembling, and wondered if he should break out the sedative. “Okay, WTF?! I can understand capturin’ and imprisonin’ the Avatar, but _killing_ him or her? Granted, it’s been done before, but you’d need a good excuse to do that if you want to write it in!”

“Actually, Azula landed a killing blow on Aang at the end of the second season in the original series, but then she wasn’t particularly sunshine and daisies,” said Lapis. “And, well, neither was her dad.”

A moment later, the horrified Stu turned and fled.

“Quick, after ’im!” whispered Rayner. The agents snuck out of the alleyway, and as soon as they were out of sight from the plotting bad guys, they took off as well.

And then skidded to a halt near **the center of the village**. Taio was confronting the Stu, demanding that Keyx come with him instead of warning Arabella.

“Now _this_ is getting interesting,” said Binary. E.V.L. nodded in agreement.

After a brief argument, Taio proceeded to pin the Stu against a nearby wall, whereupon the latter Earthbended a nearby rock and smashed it against Taio’s head. The agents gasped in alarm, and Rayner pinched his nose shut in case the aftermath turned out to be bloody.

“Whether he’s consistent with canon or not, that’s gotta _hurt_ ,” said Lapis.

“Understatement,” added E.V.L. “He’ll live, though. They’ve apparently sworn to an Agni Kai, and Taio certainly isn’t going to miss _that_.”

“C’mon, the Stu is on the move!” said Lapis. “We’ve gotta find out where he’s off to next. Hurry!”

Rayner opened a portal and ushered the others through. They arrived at a clearing where Arabella was apparently meditating. The old lady apparently knew that there were people after Keyx’s blood, and when asked how that was possible…

 

> **"The spirits tell me many things, when you have been in this world as long as I have you get to know the spiritual aspect of it as well." She chuckled as normal and I felt relieved that she wasn't afraid of anything.**
> 
> **"So what are we going to do? They will be here in three days' time, that isn't that long to set up a defense."**
> 
> **"We do nothing. You must leave, the spirits have forewarned me of the next few days for certain reasons, one is that you must leave with Korra and seek out the Water Cult; they are a band of Water benders who will help you find an old relic of Avatar Korra's. You must use that relic to make contact with her on the Summer Solstice** […]

 

Rayner facepalmed and tuned out the rest of the paragraph. “Just like in the original series… Aang made contact with Avatar Roku in the first season, didn’t he?”

He turned to Lapis for confirmation, but she was already occupied. Her object of attention, which she was hugging like a teddy bear whilst letting out excited fangirl noises, was a four-foot-long, dark brown eel with pointed finlets running down its back and a pink spiny fin on the top of its head. The creature flailed about in a vain bid to escape, snapping its sharp teeth and wiggling a pair of facial barbels around impotently.

E.V.L. gave Lapis a questioning look. “That isn’t a _Korra_ creature, is it?”

“Say hello to **Water benders** , the mini-Unagi,” said Binary. “Incidentally, the _real_ Unagi haunts the waters around the very island we’re on, at least in the original series.”

“That’s correct!” Lapis tickled under the mini’s chin with a metallic finger. “Who’s the cutest torrent-spewing monster eel? It’sh you, yesh of _coursh_ it’sh you!”

Rayner rolled his eyes. “Lemme guess, you wanna ask me if you can keep it?”

Lapis didn’t even blink when the mini-Unagi chomped down on her metal finger. “Regardless of what you say, I _am_ keeping this thing. Look, it even knows Water Gun!”

Upon releasing her finger, the mini sprayed a jet of water randomly, leaving a certain ex-Ficubus sopping wet (thankfully, she’d pushed the poker table out of the way at the last moment).

“Let’s just _go_ already,” said E.V.L, wringing the water out of her Thneed. “There isn’t anything more to see in this chapter aside from the group leaving Arabella behind to protect the island and escaping in a rather convenient boat. Even the Agni Kai with Taio gets botched due to the Stu not knowing Firebending.”

“Golly, what a surprise,” said Rayner, a puddle of Sar-Plasm landing at his feet. “Welp, in that case, after you two. It’s about time we paid the Water Tribe a visit, am I right?”

The other agents nodded, and quickly filed through the portal Rayner opened — but not before Lapis whispered, “By the way, _Glitter Girl_ , I ‘lose’ this round. Can I shuffle next time?”

 

********************

 

**Act Two**

  * Soundtrack: [_The Legend of Korra_ — “Being Patient/Beifong’s Sacrifice”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbK4skSdpj0)



 

The agents emerged in the lower deck of the ship, which apparently was manned by only two other people: the Stu and Not!Korra. (No, Chi didn’t count.) The fic was describing how the boat was lost at sea, everybody was starving, and all they had for provisions was a sandwich which, of course, was shared among the badfic characters.

Deciding that they had nothing better to do, Lapis and E.V.L. resumed their game over a few helpings of original-fiction-fresh cake. Rayner, meanwhile, portaled a mini-Badgermole, **Earth benders** , to the OFUAtLA, and then sat down with his back to the nearest wall.

“Hey, dj’all mind if I take a wink or forty? Apart from a few actiony bits and some pretty interestin’ concepts, this fic is really startin’ to make that Great Divide episode seem memorable.”

Lapis laughed humorlessly. “I’m more worried about the canon inconsistencies myself, but I feel you there. At least Eve and I have something to _do._ ”

E.V.L. raised an eyebrow. “You’re already using a pet name for me, huh?”

“Hey now, you _know_ your full name is a lot harder to pronounce!” said Binary. “Not to mention Eve is eighteen characters less.”

“Hrmph. Suit yourself…”

Rayner chuckled, unclipped Binary from his belt, and closed his eyes. “It’s your turn to hold the C-CAD, Glitter Girl. Oh, and try to keep him out of your gambling shenanigans, will you? I still haven’t forgotten how much of a hassle it was to try to un-teach him to swear.”

Lapis was thankful that her teeth were flat-topped for now, for she had to gnaw her bottom lip to suppress a giggling fit.

And so the agents sat there for a good long while, watching the Words go by and generally showing little interest. The Stu and Not!Korra, in the meantime, decided to set a course for **a small village just off the coast of Tarok. By looking at the map I'd guess it was a small outpost of a bigger town more in land by the name of Owahee.**

“And this, my friends, is where the naming scheme for all things _Avatar_ -related goes out the window,” said Lapis, before turning to Binary. “Like you and Rayner pointed out, the names of people and places in this continuum tend to be Asian-inspired, and Owahee… sounds more like something Native American. If that’s a legit name.”

“According to my knowledge base,” said Binary, “and yes, Eve, I’m _definitely_ cheating for this one, Water Tribe names are Eskimo-inspired, so there’s actually a bit of merit in this case. I guess.”

“Can I change the topic? I noticed you referred to Binary as Not!Data!Sora earlier,” said Lapis. “Which Sora were you referring to? The one from _Digimon_?”

E.V.L. idly drew a card from the deck. “The _Kingdom Hearts_ one, specifically the AI replica from _Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded_. The C-CAD we use now apparently found itself in a slashfic in that sub-continuum once upon a time, Data Sora got replaced by a smart-alecky prat, and said replacement ended up stuck inside the device somehow.”

“And I’ve been annoying the heck outta the brave badfic-killing soldiers of the PPC ever since, thank you,” the device added, flashing a ;) emote.

E.V.L. flipped her hair. “Annoying ‘brave badfic-killing soldiers’ is _my_ responsibility, you know. And to do that, you _really_ have to know what bothers them the most. Remember when I talked you into sleep mode when we first took you for a spin?”

“Boy, do I ever.”

Lapis suddenly reached for E.V.L.’s hand. “G-guys? Rayner’s g-gone! OhdearArceuspleaseholdmeI’mscaredofthedarkand—”

E.V.L. blinked at the spot where Rayner had been. He _was_ gone.

“Well, I hope he brought his sedative with him,” she said. “I don’t want to have to scour an entire uncanonical world just to deliver it to him. Oh, never mind. He took it along with the RA.”

“Do I want to know how you knew that?” asked Lapis, shivering again.

“It’s actually a pretty funny story,” E.V.L. replied, drawing another card. “See, I first met Rayner when I visited Hogwarts, almost a year ago…”

 

**********

 

His hands behind his back, Rayner walked through the village, mumbling to himself. He wasn’t going anywhere in particular, just walking.

“Stupid Glitter Girl… Stupid device… Stupid idle chatter wakin’ me up every five seconds… Is there any other way to keep a guy from gettin’ some peace and quiet?”

As if the Ironic Overpower was listening (which it certainly was), he happened upon **what had an outward appearance as an old fashioned tavern.** The Stu and Not!Korra were also there, and **The place was loud with screams and bangs,** even from a distance. Rayner quietly followed them inside, telling himself all the while _not_ to grab anything alcoholic. Crooks and thugs were causing a racket everywhere, and Keyx and Not!Korra happened upon **a dark headed girl sitting at the bar just minding her own business**. A little probing told the Stu — and Rayner as well — that she was following the Water Cult in secret. A few paragraphs later, her appearance was described as “ **She had long black hair that went down to her waist and was wearing a black t-shirt and black pants. She seemed to enjoy the color black** ”. (Rayner grabbed a stray period and flicked it away.)

“Modern outfits seem to be the current fashion trend in this generation,” Rayner muttered to himself. “And apparently, so are goths. Who knew?”

The group then left the bar, taking down a random bit who tried to claim the dark-haired female in the process. Rayner followed them as well, all the way to a rather dingy apartment. He slowly realized that given the progression of technology from the original _Avatar_ series to _The Legend of Korra,_ he and the others could very well be in a world based off the twenty-first century for all he knew. Except, of course, for the Elves, the talking animals, and the benders.

The dark-haired girl introduced herself as **Nya** , and then recognized Keyx by name. When asked how she knew, she responded thus:

 

> **"How do I not know your name? For the last few months the only name that has spread around the benders was Keyx. The new Avatar, the only hope. They say many things about you boy. Are you really up to the task of saving this dying world from those dreaded Elves?"**

 

Rayner listened in from outside the door to the apartment, and every word made him feel less and less hopeful. This really was starting to sound like some modern fantasy young-adult novel.

He was hoping E.V.L. would confirm that in his head, but she was apparently relating her oh-so-trajeck life story to Lapis and Binary. It seemed that distracting her was a mixed blessing.

Nya revealed that her family had been Firebenders, and that her parents too had been killed by the Elves when they had taken her in as a slave. The group decided to find some kind of amulet which had supposedly belonged to Avatar Korra. (“That’s definitely not canon, ain’t it?” Rayner muttered to himself.)

A few paragraphs later, Rayner realized that Keyx and Not!Korra were heading towards the door, so he turned and dashed off to hide behind the nearest corner. But strangely, the Stu and Not!Korra didn’t appear. Did they teleport somehow?

Then he checked the Words:

 

> **I motioned her outside and we left the room. "I just thought she would need time to get ready to go."**
> 
> **Just then Korra pointed out into the ocean, which we had a clear view of for miles. A few Elven warships were racing along towards the island.**

 

The badfic characters weren’t the only ones who were horrified at this new development, for a certain humanized pegasus also felt his blood run cold even before he heard the bang of the first cannonball smashing into the city. “Apple _bucker!_ ”

 

**********

 

Rayner almost faceplanted upon dashing through the portal, before scrambling to his feet in front of a stunned E.V.L., a confused Binary, and a panicking Lapis. “We have to go, _now!_ ”

“Why?” asked E.V.L. “We’re safe in this boat, aren’t we?”

“Not anymore. The Elves are back. We’ve gotta find the next place where the canons make landfall or we’ll be literal cannon fodder!”

Right on cue, they heard another distant cannon shot, and the Words began describing the Stu planning to commandeer an Elven ship.

“But — what about our game?” asked Lapis, looking terrified.

“We’re about to be blown up by an uncanonical race and _that’s_ what you’re worried about? You aren’t even placing _bets_!”

“At least we have something to do, and you don’t! You ran off on us because you got bored, didn’t you?! You ran off on _me_!”

“I was tryin’ to get a closer look at what the Stu and his buddies were sayin’. Don’t you _dare_ accuse me of shirking the Duty!”

“Could you at least have taken me along?!” Binary interjected.

“It doesn’t matter now, so just shut up! We’re skippin’ all the way to the next chapter.” Rayner checked the Words and scowled. “The end o’ this one is the first time Keyx’s Avatar State shows up, which includes a charge I’ll explain later. Now, put your cards away and let’s _go!_ I swear to the Princesses, if you two get killed over a stupid little game…”

E.V.L. stood up, accidentally tipping the table over and sending cards flying everywhere. “Say that about Assumption again, _Pony Boy_ , and I’ll—”

 _KA-THROOM!_ The impact of the cannonball smashing into the stern of the abandoned Kyoshi ship sent everyone sprawling.

“We’re goin’,” said Rayner, “and we’re goin’ _now._ ”

E.V.L. glared at her partner, at the same time willing her shadows to collect all the cards from the floor at once to save time. Then she shoved the poker table through the portal and dived through. Rayner grabbed Binary, shoved Lapis through the portal, and followed after her.

The portal closed without a second to spare, for the next cannon shot aimed at the boat plowed into the whatever-was-keeping-the-propulsion-system-going room. The result was a massive explosion and a column of acrid black smoke that gave the Elves only a brief pause before they continued attacking Owahee.

 

**************

 

Still rattled from their narrow escape, the agents made their way into the next chapter and found themselves on board yet another ship, which was apparently the Elven one that the badfic characters had stolen. The fic described how Republic City had been destroyed by an Elven siege, and Rayner and E.V.L. exchanged appalled looks.

“Totally called it,” said Rayner. “This world _is_ uncanonical. Did they destroy Republic City in the _Legend of Korra_ canon, or…?”

“That actually _does_ happen at a certain point,” said E.V.L. “I won’t spoil when it does, though.”

“Yeah, but what if the Elves rebuilt the city while everyone was gone?” asked Binary. “Most large buildings take only a decade or so at most to finish, and the Elves would probably have a _lot_ of construction crews handy.”

“And with the technological advancement during the 70 years between _Avatar_ and _Korra_ , buildings like the Republic City ones could take even less time to build,” said Lapis.

E.V.L. idly adjusted her Thneed. “As fun as such speculation is, maybe we should stick to worldbuilding inconsistencies and the behavior of the canon characters when noting charges.”

Rayner let out an exasperated sigh. “ _How_ are we supposed to make a chargelist, then?” he groaned. “It’s not like some flashback sequence to either of the canon series is gonna drop in on us any moment!”

At that moment, the Stu fell asleep, and the world shifted around the group. They found themselves in a city that looked oddly familiar, specifically in **a street full of people dressed in green and gold clothing, some looking like noblemen and women with fine clothes and dresses, wherever I was it had to be the wealthy part of town.**

 

> **A girls voice rang out behind me, "So Twinkle Toes, now that the war is over what do you plan on doing? Are we gonna keep living in Ba Sing Se or what?"**

 

A stray apostrophe floated by while E.V.L. nudged her partner and grinned. “You were saying?”

Lapis blinked up at the Words. “So, this is set right after the series finale of the original _Avatar_ series?”

“Seems like it,” said Rayner. “Look at the dummy!”

Indeed, the Stu had suddenly taken on the exact appearance of post-finale Aang, due to the dream apparently putting Keyx in Aang’s shoes for a day.

“ _Now_ we’re talking,” said Lapis. “Binary, ready to get scanning?”

“Oh, I was _born_ ready,” the device replied. “Hopefully I won’t bust a circuit or two by the time this is over.”

Rayner took the C-CAD out and turned on the scanner, pointing it at the canons. Binary began letting out a series of rapid clicks like a Geiger counter as Dummy!Aang continued talking with Toph. The two of them were apparently walking towards the Earth King’s palace, discussing some kind of plan that the two of them had. Katara joined them shortly afterward, and the three of them made their way into the Earth King’s throne room, where the Earth King himself was waiting.

The agents were thankful that the speech that Aang gave to said king about establishing a United Nations was relatively consistent with his peace-loving personality (causing Binary to register only a 4.5% OOC level from the canon), because they certainly didn’t want to find out what would happen if a noise like an exploding C-CAD attracted the attention of characters in a flashback or dream sequence. The speech itself and the ensuing exchange were rather long, though, enough in fact for the girls to resume playing while waiting for it to end.

This continued for several more scenes (along with two more rounds of Assumption as played by the girls), which showed the canons establishing the United Nations in a surprisingly in-character manner for everybody involved. The only thing that didn’t gel with the agents was the appearance of another mini-Lemur, **platipusbears** , whom Rayner sent to the OFUAtLA without missing a beat.

“I gotta say, for someone who apparently bungled the extrapolation of worldbuildin’ trends in the _Avatar_ universe, this author got all the canons’ personalities pretty much on point,” he said. “Though I’m not exactly sure if usin’ ‘brute force’ against an army of platypus bears would count as on point.”

“Yeah, almost every one of the canons is capable of at least some form of planning,” said Lapis. “The only notable character who would try an all-out attack is The Boulder, and he certainly isn’t subtle about anything.”

The dream ended at that point, and the world dissolved back into the horribly drawn vagueness of the present. The Stu, now turned back into Keyx, headed onto the poop deck along with his friends to find that they were sailing into Republic City… or rather, what was left of it.

 

 

 

> **"What's that giant statue looking thing?" I asked, but I had a faint idea of what it was.**
> 
> **"Avatar Aang's memorial. One of the largest Avatar statues in the world. Now it's just a heap of stone that is probably ready to break and fall over.** [“Correction: the statue in canon is made of _metal_ , not stone,” muttered E.V.L.] **Been a few hundred years since the siege and Air Temple Island was the first hit." Korra said. I remembered that she had done research into bending history as a younger girl.**

 

“Dear _Arceus_ ,” Lapis murmured, shuddering. “This timeskip makes the one between _Avatar_ and _Korra_ seem like a lunch break! I can understand Aang’s being frozen in ice for a hundred years, but this is just too much…”

“Ansem’s coattails, I can’t agree more,” said Binary. “I mean, how come there are still buildings and cars even after a hundred years? You’d think they’d have been overrun with vegetation by now…”

“This is like that one ‘life after man’ special I once saw while watching reruns on the History Channel, except they didn’t do the research this time!”

“I’m not sayin’ it was the Elves,” Rayner said in a dramatic tone, “… _but it was the Elves!_ ”

Everyone except E.V.L. promptly doubled over laughing (yes, even the C-CAD). The former ficubus decided that she was better off not asking, and it was lucky that she hadn’t joined in. As soon as she checked the Words, she raised an eyebrow.

“There are _people_ living here,” she said.

Everyone stopped laughing. “Wait, _what?_ ” asked Rayner.

“The CAF caught the scent of someone. Perhaps it’s another character?”

“We’ll probably have to follow them and find out,” said Binary. “I’m willing to bet a sea salt ice cream over them being the obligatory Waterbending companion.”

“Speaking of bets, shall we continue our game?” asked E.V.L. “If this fic keeps being boring, I’d rather devote my time to more productive things.”

“Maybe when we start up the next chapter,” said Lapis, before checking the Words. “Which should be pretty soon, actually. We’re almost done with this one.”

The agents made their way out of the ship, following the badfic characters onto what was once Air Temple Island and specifically the remains of the namesake temple. There, they **followed** Chi **down a ruined hallway and what looked to be the main dining room and at the far end of the room was an old skinny guy with a long white beard and bald head.**

said Binary. “I’ll have to find a way to get whomever I placed my bet with one of those ice creams, then.”

“You didn’t bet with anybody,” said Rayner, chuckling. “Though sea salt ice cream still sounds pretty tasty. Scan time?”

“Scan time,” the device agreed. With that, Rayner pointed him at the group.

 

 

 

> [Keyx. Bender?Human? _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ / _Legend of Korra_ continuum, Gary Stu. Terminate with extreme prejudice.]
> 
> [Korra Beifong. Earthbender. _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ / _Legend of Korra_ continuum, Original (Bit) Character. Needs a more creative name.]
> 
> [Nya. Firebender. _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ / _Legend of Korra_ continuum, Original (Bit) Character. Nyaaa~! :3]
> 
> [Guru Pathik(?). Human. _Avatar: The Last Airbender_ / _Legend of Korra_ continuum, Original Character? Canon? Why is he even here?]

 

“That guru doesn’t even appear anymore, apparently,” said Lapis. “He’s only there to say that Keyx isn’t ready to access the chakras, so we can grab him and get him to assimilate into the canon _Avatar_ world. The other bits could do the same as well, though the Stu of course will have to be taken down. He’s a dummy, after all.”

“That, and he’s committed too many crimes against the canon to be considered salvageable,” added Rayner. “Shall we take care of that guru now, then? If we kill the badfic and the Word World dies on him…”

The agents agreed, and after the Stu and friends left, they stole up to the guru, neuralyzed him, and sent him to the canon _Avatar_ universe. They then unanimously decided to portal to the next major action scene to save time, which was midway through Chapter 6.

E.V.L., now minus her Thneed (she had thrown it into the bid pile earlier), mock-yawned, pulled out her deck of cards, and started shuffling them. “Where were we, Lapis?”

“We just finished the fifth round, and you ‘lost’ three times in a row. Best five out of seven? And _promise_ me you won’t steal my soul for real if you win…”

E.V.L. winked at her. “No guarantees there, I’m afraid. Why don’t we keep playing and find out?”

While the girls began their next round, Rayner and Binary checked the Words, the former taking only a moment to side-eye the others. The Stu’s group had arrived at another coastal city, known as **Luxenburg** (Rayner charged for using European-derived city names in an Asian-inspired setting), and had gotten past the harbor security. Unfortunately for the Stu and friends, they ended up blundering into another military ship, and were promptly boarded by **The Royals** , a pair of court men dressed in silk robes who **were flanked by six** […] **mean looking Elves** . Not!Korra, who had feigned a captain-ish tone to deceive the port security earlier, began to panic as soon as the Elves accosted her, and after one of the Elves guessed who they were, another, named Balrog, turned into **an over grown goblin with excessive muscles.**

The cover blown, everyone assumed their battle stances — with three exceptions. Though that may have been because two of them were busy playing another round of Assumption and the other one was giving the little box of plastic he was holding a look that clearly said, “Here we go again…”

“Oh, _sure_ , go ahead and take ‘em on,” said Binary in a tone betraying mock sweetness. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. We’ll just sit back and grab some popcorn, thank you!”

“If only we had the machine to make the stuff,” Rayner agreed. “But yeah, there’s no way we can interfere without gettin’ caught up in the fight, and anyway we don’t have enough charges yet. Though come to think of it, this could be an opportunity to pick up a few more.”

“Yeah, and we’ve still got like what, four chapters to go?”

“That too.”

The fight itself didn’t last very long, mostly because Chi struck the first blow by flinging a massive boulder at one of the guards, and the Stu made the second move. Specifically, using his seismic sense, he could feel the earth particles lining the metal of the ship (which, to the surprise of the agents, suddenly became covered in what Toph would refer to as “a healthy coating of earth”). This led to him willing a piece of metal to jut out and trip another elf, prompting Rayner to whisper a German obscenity.

 

 

 

> **I couldn't believe it, I had learned how to Metalbend without even trying. I pushed outwards and ripped a large portion of the deck off but I missed my target, which was as far as I could tell, the Royals, and the metal swung out into the bay. I cursed myself for missing then felt a huge club on the head. I feel over and the darkness seeped in yet again.**

 

The whole world went black, like someone had turned off a TV. Then it turned on again, this time showing some kind of road in the wilderness leading from nowhere to nowhere. In the distance, a carriage, no doubt containing the captured Stu and friends along with a bunch of other victims, could be seen moving down the rugged path.

E.V.L. and Lapis had been playing their game throughout the entire fight. The latter, however, had been about to buy the former’s hand when she felt the dirt under the seat of her pants, and when she looked at the Stu and saw him metalbending, she had gritted her teeth in outrage and resumed playing with renewed fervor.

“ _How_ did he learn to _do_ that, anyway?!” she whispered. “Wasn’t metalbending learned by the Beifong family and nobody else in the _Avatar_ series?!”

“It was passed down to the police force in _Korra_ ,” replied E.V.L., who had surrendered her hand to Lapis and was now regretting her decision (her next drawn hand was of the higher value, rendering her vulnerable).

“There was actually a brief mention of it earlier,” said Binary. “Sometime during Chapter Three during the training montage. No surprise there, seeing as this Korra is descended from Toph.”

“There wasn’t any mention of _how_ it was done, though,” said E.V.L. “That makes a very big difference between a Chekov’s Gun and New Powers as the Plot Demands. Even the Avatar himself, or herself, can only do so much.”

“Or _should_ , for that matter,” added Rayner, checking the Words ahead. Then he checked them again, his eyes briefly widening before he took out the RA. “Alright, who wants to see Avatar Roku?”

“Whoa whoa whoa, _what?!_ ” cried Binary. “I’m sensing a _major_ canon violation here! Korra’s connection with Roku was _severed_ when—”

“—another character whom I won’t spoil did some horrible Spirit-World-related shenanigans which I _also_ won’t spoil, yes,” finished E.V.L. “This ought to be interesting…”

The agents portaled to midway through the chapter, specifically towards the end of a weird and cryptic dream sequence in which the Stu lamented that he couldn’t Firebend. And when Roku showed up to help him out…

 

 

 

> **"All it means is you need the proper push to get past the obstacles. That is why I decided to help you, I cannot do too much but just as Aang was help for Korra, I can be of help to you." he then put his hands to my forehead and everything glowed brightly. I felt like I was breathing in fire, my lungs hurt and it felt like I was going to explode. Then the pain faded and the bright glow turned to black. I was drifting off into space, then I felt a soft thud and then nothing.**

 

There was a loud _BANG_ as the front of Binary’s casing exploded. Fortunately, Rayner had been holding the device safely away from him; unfortunately, Lapis was standing right next to him, which meant that the first thing she did after screaming in terror was jump onto his head again, making him drop the device just as it began screaming as well.

“NO! _NO!!_ NONONONONO _NOOOOooo!!!_ ROKU NEVER _LEARNED_ ENERGYBZZZzzzz— I can’t take this an(krzzp)ymore! I _legitimately_ need an adult!” The C-CAD’s voice was beginning to fizzle, and hitting the floor hard didn’t help.

Rayner yelped in alarm. “Oh, horse-apples, I forgot to turn the scanner off! Sorry, Binary!”

“You’d _better_ be!” cried Binary. “Now I’m gon(kzzt)na miss a cha(zzzp)pter and a bunch of im(mrrrzt)portant charges _againnnnn…_ ”

“I’m guessing that happened in your first mission, too?” asked Lapis, climbing back down from her male partner.

“Yes, in a foray into _The Matrix,_ ” said E.V.L. “Though in that case it was because I out-sassed the device, and he didn’t take it so well.”

“Binary, hang on, don’t die on us right—” said Rayner, crouching down to grab the device and frantically trying to get it to start working again. But it was no use.

He stood up and turned to the other agents. “Pardon me, fillies, but I gotta step outside for a while. Can you keep an eye on the badfic while we’re gone?”

E.V.L. and Lapis both murmured in assent, before returning to their game. Rayner shook his head.

“Some help _those_ girls are,” he muttered, before portaling to DoSAT.

To be more precise, he landed right behind a Korean technician of uncertain gender with black-and-purple hair, dressed in a dark leather jacket and gray capri pants. Rayner cleared his throat, but they seemed to be playing a game on their computer. It wasn’t until he tapped them on the shoulder when they stood up and whirled to face him.

“Dangit, will you knock it off? I _almost_ had that Spy!”

“So what? Aren’t you supposed to be working rather than, oh, bucking around on _Team Fortress 2_?”

The Korean blew a bubble of chewing gum, and then popped it back in their mouth before returning to their office-style swivel-chair. “Why do you think I’m on break time? I spent almost twelve hours patching up a damaged Stark Industries Hulkbuster today. _Without_ breaks.”

“Luckily, I’m not here to pick on ya,” Rayner said quickly. “ _Un_ luckily, I’ve got an injured C-CAD in _dire_ need of repairs.”

The Korean turned in his chair to look at him again. “Wait a moment. You’re Rayner, are you? Lapis told me about—”

“For Celestia’s sake, can I run into _one_ person who _doesn’t_ know that blue-haired twat?!” Rayner laughed, throwing his free hand into the air in mock frustration.

The tech rolled their dark eyes. “I guess an intro is in order, then. I’m Seung-Li Kim. Former replacement of Go Go from _Big Hero 6_ , in case you’re wondering. So, what was that about needing a new C-CAD?”

Rayner shook his head. “I’m not askin’ for a replacement, no. I just need someone to patch up Binary here. Preferably with as little duct tape as possible…”

“ _Whaaaaaat?_ I’m praaactically _maaaade_ (kzzt) of duuuct taaa(zzzzzzzzzp)ape…!” the device slurred, startling Seung-Li, who in turn whirled to face Rayner again.

“Alright, _why_ is Baymax 3.0 low on battery power?!”

Rayner laughed humorlessly, rubbing the back of his multicolored hair. “You’re takin’ this rather well, aren’t you? Anyway, it’s a bit hard to explain, but I’ll make it quick. This little guy here may be actin’ like a total weirdo right now, but when he’s workin’ properly, he ain’t like nothin’ you’ve ever seen or heard before…”

 

********************

 

**Act Three**

  * Soundtrack: _The Legend of Korra_ — [“Greatest Change”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TmVGoLVi0o) \+ [“The Dark Spirits Attack”](https://youtu.be/iVioHuoD47Y)



 

“Got any threes?” asked Lapis.

“Wrong game,” E.V.L. replied, giving her a disapproving look.

“Kidding, kidding,” the younger girl replied. “Call your bluff, then?”

“Sounds fair.”

In the background, the cart full of prisoners had apparently been flipped over and the Elves on board were fighting a large group of people. The Stu, having no idea what was going on, described the brief battle outside as a series of random noises, including clanging metal and what sounded like a flowing river.

“Lemme guess, the Water Cult’s showed up to save the day?” asked E.V.L. (A crowd of bit characters appeared around the cart, guessing at what the Elves had captured.)

“Sounds like it,” said Lapis. “Though I have to ask, why isn’t the Water Cult in the Northern Water Tribe as stated previously? If that really is the Water Cult?” (Two of the bits, an inexplicably _blond_ blue-eyed man with **shinning white** teeth and a female named **Marcy** , opened up the back of the cart to find the Stu and friends hidden inside.)

“Perhaps they travel the world like the Stu is doing. Who’s willing to bet that the Waterbending companion shows up in this chapter?” (The Stu began explaining the circumstances to the bits.)

“Hey, I don’t gamble!” (Keyx identified the blond man as **Dano**.)

“Says the girl who brought up the idea to play poker in the first place.” (Dano in turn identified Keyx as the Avatar.)

“One thing we know for sure, though: those bits _are_ the Water Cult. And I’m guessing they’ll take the Stu and company to their place, wherever that is. Do you want to portal?”

“Rayner made off with the RA when he took Binary to the DoSAT. Our only hope is to ride the scene shifts until Rayner gets back.”

“Oh, _lovely_.”

A little while later, as if to confirm E.V.L.’s suspicions, the world began to shift around the agents. A few days were compressed into a single paragraph before the agents found themselves near to the Water Cult’s camp, which was ten miles from where the carriage raid had taken place. Because the setting was still poorly defined, the resultant knockback was so minimal that the girls kept right on playing.

“You know, I half-expected you to feel at least a little kinship with the Water Cult as soon as they showed up,” said E.V.L. “I’m surprised you didn’t express any positive feelings towards them at all. To you, they were just _there_.”

“They _are_ there, Eve. Like, a hundred feet away from us.”

“Not in the physical sense, no. To you, they were just badfic characters like the Stu and company. Didn’t you mention that you had hydrokinetic powers once?”

Lapis sulked, silently took her trident from her bag (she’d thrown it into the betting amount a moment ago), and stuffed it into the mouth of the table, which promptly burped. This was followed by an awkward silence lasting for a good five seconds, save for the background noise of the Stu explaining his group’s situation to Dano over a lobster dinner.

“…Yes,” Lapis said finally. “But they’re gone now. I’m past that part of my life, along with everything I went through before becoming an agent.”

E.V.L. glanced at the younger girl’s metal hand. “It’s about what happened when you took on that God-Mode Stu, right?”

Lapis did a double-take. “How did you know?!”

E.V.L. pointed at her temple and twirled her fingertip in a little circle. “That weird talking-to-yourself thing that I mentioned earlier, remember? Our mind-link?”

“So, it made you listen to what Rayner was hearing? And it’s not exactly one-way?”

“Nor is it exclusive to the things we speak in our heads, either. If he sees or hears something, I can picture it in _my_ head, too. Right now, for instance, he’s been arguing with a friend of yours at DoSAT over how to install Binary’s discombobulator unit for the past ten minutes. Oh, and Pony Boy? Just turn it sideways and it fits perfectly.”

She chuckled a moment later and said, “He says he’s going to kill me once he gets back.”

Lapis had to bite down on her sleeve to avoid collapsing into laughter.

A few minutes later, however, the mood changed completely when Keyx mentioned that “Granny Beifong” had been executed in the Royal City. This caused everyone to fall into a somber silence, and even the agents bowed their heads in respect.

This made E.V.L. think of a question she’d never considered asking, and she was quite sure that Rayner would snap at her for it later. “What was it like, nearly losing Rayner? You two must’ve known each other for a very long while, even before I brought him to ruin.”

Lapis looked at her, shocked. “You know? That he nearly died?”

“Several of Rayner’s other colleagues do, too. Valon and Kala also guessed what happened, but—”

Lapis smacked her card hand face-down upon the poker table. “You don’t know the _whole_ truth, then! And you certainly don’t know the full extent of how it felt—”

“I do, actually. Not in the same sense that you must’ve experienced, but the loss of Rayner’s old partner seems eerily similar… Lapis? Are you _crying?_ ”

Indeed, the smaller girl was wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. “N-Nicholas… and R-Rayner… They were the agents who found me when I f-first arrived at the PPC. T-they took me in… They g-gave me a second chance, and… and…”

She buried her face in her hands and began sobbing in earnest.

“They took care of you,” E.V.L. finished. “Like a family.”

Lapis wiped her face and looked up at her. “It wasn’t easy at first. R-Rayner and I didn’t exactly get along from the get-go. As soon as I felt the presence of… of _agents…_ I panicked and lashed out at them and… a-and… I _bit_ Rayner. H-he still has the scar to show it…”

“Yes, I’ve seen it. I didn’t think they came from you, though.”

Lapis sniffled a little. “Back in the day, when I was told of who I was, _what_ I was, I was terrified that everyone within the boundaries of the PPC was out to get me. I didn’t feel safe even after I was de-glittered and given FicPsych therapy. It wasn’t until Nick and Rayner took me in that I realized that there were at least exceptions to my initial stereotyping.”

“You still had your plot-holes and Suvian hair-color back then, am I right?”

“And more importantly, they showed me the kindness I needed _in spite_ of that. It was Nick in particular who made the first move, notably by revealing that he too was once a badfic character. And from a mega-crossover involving _Pokémon_ , no less.”

“What was he like? This… Nick?” asked E.V.L., wondering if she should reach out and pat Lapis’ head.

Lapis chuckled. “Brash, insensitive, and snide as a Serperior wearing a friend-zoner’s fedora. Honest to a fault, too, even if it hurt those around him.”

“I meant as a character. Where was he from? How successful was he as an agent before… well…”

“Oh. Well, his full name was Nicholas Abbey, and he was a Charizard Pokémorph from a defunct _BIONICLE_ ripoff written sometime during 2004. He was discarded by his author and dropped off at the PPC shortly after the Macrovirus Epidemic and the subsequent Mary Sue Invasion, which was around four years before I arrived if I recall correctly. His career as an assassin wasn’t easy, but he seemed to manage after the typical six-month orientation period and about two more years of awkwardness. No, not just manage. He _thrived_ on his job.”

E.V.L. drew another card. “I suppose if you’ve been working for that long, killing badfic does get a lot easier for you.”

“When Rayner joined the PPC, which from what he told me was around mid-2012, Nick had been given a nickname by the following he’d gained over the years. ‘The Hellbreather’. Every one of his missions had ended in at least one kill, and you could tell he was nearby if the odor of cotton-candy-scented incense was in the air. But for all that talent, the Flowers had yet to assign him someone to train, and Rayner… well, Rayner was really chaotic and aggressive. Must’ve been a thing from his homefic, I’m not sure. In any case, he needed someone to reel in his mania, and Nick was the best choice for the job — notwithstanding the fact that they bickered over the Duty and each other’s respective faults for a whole year before things evened out.”

“And they evened out… how?”

“I don’t know the full story, but I guess the Flowers’ plan worked a little _too_ well, because when I arrived… uh…”

Lapis blushed and twiddled her thumbs. E.V.L. didn’t need to guess what she was thinking.

“So, you were basically the third wheel?” E.V.L. asked.

“Oh nonono, it wasn’t like that!” Lapis replied, raising her hands in surprise. “I was _ten_ at the time, and I’m asexual, anyway. I’ve never been involved in _that_ kind of relationship, even when I was a Sue, and Nick and Rayner made sure I stayed that way. To be honest, Nick was like the big brother I’d never had, and Rayner becoming his, uh, _partner_ , was a development I fully endorsed. I mean, if they were happy…” She rubbed the back of her head.

E.V.L. snorted. “No _wonder_ Rayner’s mind seethes with hatred for all things Suvian nowadays. It must’ve been horrible to lose someone so dear to him.”

“He’s a bitter, bitter guy,” Lapis replied, “but he cares deeply about the multiverse and those few who are willing to reach out to him. Especially me.”

E.V.L. pondered this for a few moments, and then decided to ask the obvious question. “How did Nick…”

“Die?” asked Lapis. “Do you really want to know?”

“I’ve tried, and failed, to get the answer out of Rayner’s head for too long. You’re the only hope I have now of getting a better picture of what happened.”

“But Rayner’s going to know, right? I don’t want to—”

A moment later, a portal opened, and Rayner stepped through, holding a fully repaired C-CAD.

“Glitter Girl’s right, Lapis. I’ll never be able to tell her without the two of us suffering.”

“Tell her?” asked Binary. “Tell her about what?”

Lapis gave Rayner a look as though she were pleading for mercy. Rayner responded by sitting down next to the poker table and giving her a slight nod.

A moment later, Lapis bowed her head, closed her eyes, and spoke three words which would haunt E.V.L. for the rest of her existence:

“ _Sweet Apple Massacre._ ”

E.V.L. stared first at Lapis, and then at Rayner. “Y-you — H-how did—”

“As soon as they got the mission report, Nick went and talked to me,” said Lapis. “He wanted to take me out to see New Caledonia after he and Rayner were done with work for the day, but I could tell he wasn’t comfortable. He said it was just a typical badfic with a wangsty Sue, but he couldn’t hide it at all. And when he explained the true nature of what he and his partner were about to get themselves into… He… he…” She choked off, burying her face in her hands.

“Nick told me about his meetin’ up with Lapis as soon as he got back,” said Rayner. “He’d apparently explained everything about the fic we’d gotten, and also that there was a chance that one of us may… may not come back. It’s as if he _knew_ he was gonna die. It was as though the Ironic Overpower was just _waiting_ to pull a fast one on him after so long, w-with lethal r-results…”

The little stutters in his voice didn’t go unnoticed by the others.

“So, your old partner… That Big Mac replacement _killed_ him?!” asked Binary.

Rayner looked away, his face screwed up in pain. “We tried to switch out the Cutie Mark Crusaders with dummies, hopin’ he wouldn’t notice. But we weren’t fast enough. Killer!Mac walked in on us before we could make our escape, and he buckin’ lost it. He hamstrung me and then, right in f-front of me, h-he… he…” The male agent broke off, covering his eyes with his hands. The other agents could see tears dripping from his chin.

E.V.L. had wondered why Rayner had kept that particular memory guarded even from her, and now she understood. She did _not_ want to know what Killer!Mac had done to Nick on that terrible day.

“From what I heard, it wasn’t until a pair of DIA officers were brought in that things were brought back under control,” said Lapis. “B-but the ensuing battle left everyone in Medical for a long while afterward. I was totally inconsolable and couldn’t be roused for the better part of two weeks. Nick was gone forever, and Rayner was the only one I had left who t-truly cared for me. He… He w-was in a coma for two months, and once I recovered, I-I visited him every d-day hoping he’d wake up…”

“And she was there when I finally did,” said Rayner, having recovered just enough to speak clearly again. “As soon as I was released from Medical, I took her back t’ the Nursery myself. When we got there, before I headed back out, she hugged me tight and told me she’d never let go. And you know what I said?”

“‘I’ll never let go of you, either,’” Lapis replied, wiping another cascade of tears from her face. It was too late to stop the floodgates, though, for a moment later, she lunged at Rayner and proceeded to knock the wind out of him with a teary embrace, pressing her face into his chest, howling “I’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRY” over and over until her muffled screams died down.

Rayner could not help but hug her back and whisper, “Shhhh. It’s okay, Lapis, don’t cry… Everythin’s fine…”

Binary had no idea what to say. The only statement he could muster was an awkward, horrified “I… I-I’m so sorry.”

“You’re fine, both of you,” replied Rayner. “We all had to talk about this sooner or later.”

E.V.L. stared at the others for about half a minute. Then she spoke. “Can I speak to Lapis for a minute?”

Rayner and Lapis disengaged, and the younger girl turned to E.V.L. “S-sure.”

“I’m sorry, too. About what happened to Nick, I mean. But I… I can’t stand to witness suffering like this now that I know the truth. I have had plans to leave the PPC and start a following of my own somewhere for a while now. I’ve been meaning to establish a work of original fiction to call home, away from horrors like what you two went through…”

Binary gave her a warning [Bip] and said, “This isn’t the time, _Glitter Girl_.”

Her voice began to take on a menacing, slightly demonic echo. “This _is_ the time. Why remain with the PPC after what you’ve experienced? I’d never be able to live with that level of agony, and I wouldn’t have wanted any of you to, either. But you could join me and the black arts, and terrorize a generation of heroes exclusive to this world, without a pre-existing continuum to defile. We will be ingrained into this brave new world as ‘canon’ characters, Lapis… _Together._ ” She offered a hand to Lapis.

She was greeted by utter silence from the other agents and the C-CAD. Somewhere in the distance, a raven eagle’s cry could be heard.

The younger girl suddenly glared straight into E.V.L.’s eyes, causing her to back off in alarm. “I’m sorry, Eve, but my answer is a solid _NO_ for two reasons. First, I’m naturally pessimistic enough to know that a deal like yours simply can’t be trusted. And second, I’m morally and economically obligated to stay with the PPC.”

E.V.L. blinked, her voice back to normal. “Obligated? In what sense?”

“The PPC has given me the only job and home I can ever have now that my homefic has been taken down. Even if I wanted to leave and return to the _Pokémon_ continuum, there’s no way I’d be able to fit into the canon, or at least not that I can think of. And without knowing where I belong, there’s no way I’d be able to find a sense of purpose.”

“Do you know where you belong now, though?” asked Binary.

Lapis nodded. “Nick’s death… well… I guess it helped me find my calling. Not because I wanted to avenge him — which was technically already taken care of back then — but because I couldn’t let him die in vain. To defect from the PPC, or even to stall for a few years before becoming an agent, would effectively doom his legacy to failure, because he believed that fighting bad writing was, and is, a cause that should never, _ever_ be given up on.”

“Yes, but—” began E.V.L.

Lapis cut her off. “I know what you want to say. That badfic can produce horrors like _Sweet Apple Massacre_ , horrors that could potentially lead to the deaths of canons, or even agents. That badfic can literally _end lives_ at the drop of a hat. My response? All the more reason to combat it, to prevent it from festering and producing such horrors. The more badfics we dispose of, the less likely we’ll lose the things we love — and f-for that matter, the _p-people_ we love,” she finished with a fresh sob.

There was a pause. Then E.V.L. asked, “That’s what Nick would have wanted, isn’t it?”

Rayner wiped a tear from Lapis’ eye, and nodded, smiling. “It’s what _we_ would have wanted.”

Silence greeted the agents. And then, to everyone’s surprise, E.V.L. wiped the next tear from Lapis’ face.

“I guess I’ll consider my getaway plan redacted in that case, at least for now,” she said. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’ve actually given me a new perspective on what you do.”

“You and Rayner are gonna go right back to hating each other, though, aren’t you?” Lapis asked, sniffing but smiling a little now.

“Hey, I’d take that over wangstin’ alone any day,” Rayner replied. “At least it gives me somethin’ to _do_.”

“Well put, Pony Boy. Now, do we have enough charges for Keyx?”

“Oh, hell yeah,” Rayner replied. “Did we miss anythin’ while we were gone, Lapis?”

Lapis replied to that one. “Just the gang meeting Dano and the Water Cult, and telling them that Granny Beifong had been executed. We have to move to the next big action sequence and catch the Stu before it’s too late.”

“ _Scheiss,_ we’d better. Binary, where’s the next point to jump to?”

Binary checked ahead of the Words. “Chapter Eight. The Stu and friends infiltrate a city called Midport and get on the bad side of the Royal Elves again. We can catch ‘em while they’re escaping.”

“Good. You girls done with your game?”

The other agents showed their hands, and Lapis sighed in disappointment. “Welp, you’ve won four rounds out of seven, and I’ve won three. Do whatever you want with my soul, Eve. It’s all yours.”

E.V.L. chuckled, gathering up the cards. “Since I’m feeling nice today, you get to keep it. Besides…” She glanced at Rayner opening a portal. “…we’ve got bigger Stus to fry.”

The agents arrived in the town square of Midport, on the outskirts of a large crowd gathered around some kind of podium. Dano and Nya had apparently been captured and put on display by — who else? — the Elves of the Royal Court.

 

 

 

> **Soon an Elf in royal armor stepped up, glancing at Dano and smirking. He cleared his throat and looked upon the townsfolk. "Dear citizens of Midport, I am standing before you today because a crime was committed here in this very city.** [...] **I stand here to publicly execute the accused! Bring forth the first prisoner."**

 

The agents watched as a gagged Elf was brought forth, and the **Royal** said, **"Ter Valnash, you stand accused of treason against the High Elven Overlord Daichi. What say you in your defense?"**

 **"Only when all unite will anyone be able to fix these broken lands."** replied the Elf, staring straight at Keyx. This prompted the royal Elf to declare him guilty, upon which the crowd jeered and called for his execution.

Rayner made a mental bargain to E.V.L. to trade the sedative for Binary, and she promptly complied. Everyone looked away when the Royal Elf drew his sword and struck the killing blow.

“That’s it, I fold,” Lapis hissed.

“Yen Sid’s beard, public execution in a _children’s cartoon?!_ ” cried Binary. “I know _Korra_ pushed the boundaries already by showing people being murdered onscreen, but _this…_ ”

Rayner, who had injected a dose of sedative into his arm, tossed the empty needle aside and took out the RA. “Can’t agree with you more. Now, I’m gonna take y’all to the hilarity that ensues when the Stu knocks out that Royal Elf guy and frees Dano and Nya. Girls, grab the Stu. Binary and I’ll neuralyze everyone whom we think can be assimilated into either of the canon worlds. Ready?”

Lapis had apparently been the only one who’d remembered that the shadowy poker table that E.V.L. had conjured was still there, for she’d reached into the Bag of Holding inside to retrieve her trident. Well, tried to, anyway. It was hard to pull anything out with the table chewing on her metal arm.

E.V.L. facepalmed. “And I was just about to willingly cooperate with her… Here, Lapis, let me help.” She reached over and pried the maw of the table open, allowing the smaller girl to pull her hand free. Then E.V.L. reached in and pulled the trident out herself. “I believe this is yours?”

Lapis took the trident and nodded. “Let’s finish this!”

The moment Rayner opened the portal, E.V.L. grabbed her shadowy table, and everybody rushed through. The crowd they faced was already stampeding, and arrows fired by the Elves were flying everywhere. Lapis quickly motioned for E.V.L. to raise the poker table like a shield, and she did so without hesitation, the arrows glancing off as they raced after the Stu.

A few lines of Words later, the Stu, Korra, and Chi found themselves cornered by a dozen Elves, their backs near the city wall. The Royal Elf stepped forward and said, **"So, the Avatar reveals himself. So be it! If you wish to die then by all means, I will be your executioner."**

Keyx turned **to Korra and Chi and said, "On three, okay?"** The other two understood, and prepared to take out the Elves and make themselves scarce.

That is, until several of the Elves’ shadows began to move by themselves. Before the group realized what was happening, three of the Elves had been dragged off by some invisible force, and at the same time, a shadowy disc was thrust over Keyx’s head. Not!Korra screamed as he vanished into nothing, and the Elves scattered and fled. Before the Royal Elf could react, a dark-haired girl appeared in front of him and thrust a trident at his face.

Two more people appeared out of nowhere, and the brown-haired man held up a weird rod-like object. Pointing it at Not!Korra and Chi, he closed his eyes and motioned for the other agents to do the same. _FLASH!_

“Not!Korra, you’re an Earthbender from the original _Avatar_ series, livin’ on the mainland, orphaned and lookin’ for a place to call home,” said Rayner. “Maybe you can find a few friends in Ba Sing Se, I dunno. Also, your name ain’t Korra. It’s somethin’ in Sanskrit, like… Gaurika. Yeah, I like Gaurika. As for Chi, you’re a denizen of the Spirit World who somehow found his way to the mortal realm — there was a talkin’ monkey during Aang’s visit, so why not? — and you’re gonna be back there to do Spirit World things. Oh, and I was never here, and Elves don’t exist. Now, both o’ you, right this way…”

The newly christened Gaurika walked through a portal to the Earth Kingdom, and Chi went through another leading to the Spirit World.

“Now to find Dano, Nya, and the rest of the Water Cult,” said Binary.

Rayner sighed and wiped his brow. “This could take a while… Ladies, take care of these guys for me. Save the Stu for when I get back, though!”

The girls nodded, and Rayner portaled away.

“What is the meaning of this?!” cried the Royal Elf. “You have no right to interfere!”

“We do, actually,” said E.V.L. “By order of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, you and all of your fellow Elves are hereby convicted of the following charges: Somehow existing in the Spirit World without being noticed by the canon characters that live there for several centuries; acting like a generic evil army of mooks with less character depth than Stormtroopers; being essentially a human-hating Race of Hats; for that matter; executing your own kind in a _family-friendly_ setting; failing to properly and consistently define your appearance; and generally being one-dimensional as far as antagonistic forces go. Lapis, step aside.”

The Royal Elf made to draw his bow, but Lapis moved out of the way as E.V.L. closed in, fangs out. The Elf’s screams were quickly silenced, and the drained body was promptly dragged off and dropped into the sea.

“Now, what about the Stu?” asked E.V.L., once she’d returned. “Should we kill him now, or…”

“We’ll have to wait for Rayner to come back,” replied Lapis, “but I have enough charges to cover him while we’re waiting. Besides, we kinda need to put all our stuff back.”

E.V.L. nodded, and pulled her Bag of Holding out of the shadowy poker table, which promptly dissipated with a snap of her fingers. Then she overturned the bag, and a massive pile of items spilled out. The Stu burst out of the pile, the mini-Unagi clamped onto his butt.

“GET IT OFF! AAAH!” he cried, before Lapis pulled the mini off of him, and he flopped onto the ground. “W-what’s going on?!”

Lapis glared down at him, pointing her trident at his head with one hand and clutching the mini with the other. “Keyx, by order of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, you are hereby convicted of being a Gary Stu on account of the following charges: exhibiting improper knowledge of the _Avatar-_ slash- _Korra_ continuum; misunderstanding the Avatar State and its presumably spoiler-heavy context on a fundamental level; turning the _Avatar-_ slash- _Korra_ continuum into a generic fantasy-land; having a stereotypically trajeck backstory with parents being murdered For the Evulz; inserting at least one uncanonical race into the Spirit World without any context or forethought regarding its effects on its existing inhabitants; giving Avatar Korra an uncanonical artifact specifically as a plot device for your own story; creating at least six minis; failing to adhere to the culture of the _Avatar_ canon when naming and describing characters and places; failing to describe the effects of several centuries’ worth of nature overtaking a ruined city; failing to describe or discuss the setting of a fic set a few centuries after the _Korra_ series; failing to properly research the _Avatar_ continuum and speculative fiction in general, for that matter; and most importantly, creating an entire uncanonical fantasyland world to support yourself, billing it as canon to two of the best animated series of the twenty-first century, and failing to justify the ‘adjustments’ you made to suit your tastes. Your punishment is death, and you get no last words.”

A few moments later, a portal appeared, and a very exhausted Rayner stepped through. “Whew, that really _did_ take a while,” he panted. “So, you girls didn’t get turned into pincushions, right?”

“Nope,” replied Lapis.

“We did kill off that Royal Elf and press charges against the Stu,” said E.V.L., taking the C-CAD from her partner and her Thneed from the pile of random stuff. “The only question remaining is, how do we get rid of him?”

The Stu heard this, and began pleading and calling for his friends, but the agents wouldn’t budge.

It was Binary who responded. “I’ve done a little research into the _Avatar_ continuum. I think I know somebody whom he can visit…”

The device flashed an array of coordinates on its screen, and Lapis yelped. “T-that’s kinda harsh, isn’t it?”

“Remember, Lapis,” said Rayner, dialing the coordinates in the RA, “we need the Dummy intact. I don’t wanna have to pay for repairin’ it this time around, so just trust me on this one. Whatever you do, do _not_ show any emotion until I close the portal. And Keyx? Why don’t you go meet a _real_ denizen of the Spirit World for once?”

Lapis gulped, but nodded. The agents all donned completely blank expressions on their faces, and Rayner opened a portal before shoving the Stu through.

A few moments later, there was a scream of terror which, again, was quickly cut off. Rayner promptly dashed into the portal, neuralyzer in hand, and the girls looked away as the device went off. A few moments later, the male agent reemerged, dragging a now faceless, still-twitching Crash Test Dummy behind him, and shut the portal.

“Okay, _now_ you can emote,” he said. He quickly regretted his decision when Lapis let out a high-pitched scream and then almost plowed him over with a hug as tight as an Arbok’s coils, whimpering in terror.

E.V.L. looked down at the faceless (and presumably suffocating) dummy, then back to Rayner. “By Cocytus, that wasn’t—”

“Koh, the Face Stealer,” Rayner replied, shuddering. “I guess I should be thankful that this is the _only_ time a move like this is necessa—”

He was interrupted by a wilver mist pouring from the dummy, which promptly deflated. At the same time, the edges of the Word World began fading into black.

“Oh, _horse-apples!_ The fic’s collapsin’!”

“But what about our stuff?!” Lapis cried.

Rayner dialed a portal to his RC, prepared to shovel all the stuff in, but E.V.L. was faster. She snatched the RA from him and opened the portal directly underneath them, and everybody fell through before being deluged in a cascade of random things. A few moments later, with no Stu to uphold it, the Word World imploded, taking all of the remaining Elves with it.

 

********************

 

**Post-Mission**

 

Triton the Oshawott was not having a good day.

Over the past few hours, a certain mini-Discord had been bothering him almost nonstop in different ways: showering him with chocolate rain, stealing his scalchop, sticking his paws to the ceiling, etc.

The Sea Otter Pokémon could do nothing but sulk while Pegasusi continued tormenting him. This routine was only stopped when a large portal opened up overhead, and three agents, a C-CAD, a small water-spewing eel, and a massive hoard of items came crashing into the room. A moment later, the portal shimmered and winked out of existence.

Rayner got up, dusting himself off. “Welp, that was a fun adventure,” he said, splattering Sar-Plasm onto the wall. “Let’s never do anythin’ like that again.”

Lapis was still hugging Rayner, but disengaged when she saw that they were back in the RC. “I can’t agree more,” she said, taking off her cone of shame. “Though I’m guessing you guys will have to clean this whole mess up…”

The Oshawott took one look at the agents, and proceeded to let out an angry tirade in the classic one-word language of Pokémon speak. Lapis didn’t need to have it translated to guess that leaving him with the mini-Discord had been a bad idea.

E.V.L. remained where she was, her expression sullen and her head quite separate from her body. Rayner noticed this and asked, “Uh, Glitter Girl? You okay?”

She sat up, picked her head and sighed. “That depends on your definition of ‘okay’, but I don’t think any definition I’d use would be synonymous with that.”

“In what sense?” asked Binary. “Are you hurt, traumatized, or both?”

“Neither, actually. I believe I owe Lapis an apology for what I said earlier. It was wrong of me to try to bribe her the way I did, without any sensitivity towards her trauma — especially since I respect Rayner’s well enough.”

“As you _should_ ,” said Rayner. “Why the change of heart, though? You and the rest of the PPC get along like oil and water, for all I know.”

She smiled grimly. “That I can agree upon. At the very least, however, I now have a better understanding of _why_ you morons kill Suvians, and badfic in general. Lapis, can you find it in your heart to forgive me for my behavior?”

Lapis hugged Rayner’s arm, sniffling. “Apology accepted? Of _course!_ And Rayner, I’m sorry for telling Eve about your previous partner without asking you first. She wanted to know, and I just couldn’t _not_ tell her.”

“No, she didn’t want to know,” Rayner replied, patting her head. “She _needed_ to. And you did the right thing, providin’ your side of the story. I’m pretty sure mine wouldn’t sit well with her, to say the least. I’m not sure if she’d be able to cope with that level of suffering.”

“I don’t think _anyone_ could, actually,” said Binary. “Say, uh, can I confess something too, Rayner?”

“Hmm?”

“I know how you feel, sort of. I haven’t gotten the chance to find and then lose a soulmate the way you did, but I _do_ wish someone as awesome as Nick had come into my life when I first joined the PPC. And for what it’s worth, I’m sure you lost a guy of rare courage when whatever happened, well, happened.”

“We _all_ did,” said Lapis. “But if there’s one good thing that came out of the loss, Rayner and I have both been able to reach out to the world around us in response to it. I don’t know if another disaster like that will happen again, but if it does, _when_ it does, we won’t be as alone as we once were.”

E.V.L. screwed her head back onto her neck and wrapped her Thneed back around the seam before saying, “You are the first person in the PPC to have my genuine respect, Lapis. And for the record, I would certainly like to learn more about Texas Hold ‘Em from you in the future.”

The blue-haired girl laughed in her usual nervous tone, rubbing the back of her head. “As much as I’d like to educate you, I have to get going now,” she said. “I still have my counseling with Nurse Chan about what happened earlier today.”

“Hey, can you take me with you?” asked Binary. “…I might need some counseling myself.”

Lapis took out Triton’s Poké Ball and recalled him into it, and then picked up the C-CAD and her new mini-Unagi. “Sure, why not?”

Before Rayner could stop himself, he’d reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. “Hey, uh—”

Lapis shrieked and whirled to face him, causing him to withdraw his hand in alarm.

“S-sorry! Still jumpy as always, I guess!” She laughed, sweatdropping and staining her shirt collar.

“Yeah, well… I’m so proud of you for bein’ able to stand up for yourself after all this time,” said Rayner, patting her head a second time. “Truly, I am. And it’s good to see that you’re makin’ new friends, too. I’m sure Nick would’ve appreciated that!”

Lapis wiped a tear from her eye. “Yeah. Me too.”

E.V.L. stepped forward and hugged Lapis. “Good luck with this Nurse Chan, Lapis. Oh, and try not to bite anyone else, okay?”

“I can’t make any guarantees, but I’ll try my best!” Lapis grinned, flashing her jagged teeth.

“I, for one, am glad that you try at all,” added Binary, flashing an ^_^ emoticon on his screen.

Once the girls disengaged, Rayner shoved his partner aside and hugged Lapis as well. Taking a moment to set aside their mutual animosity, the two of them waved goodbye as Lapis stuck Binary to her belt, slipped the mini into her bag, and exited the RC.

“That’s my Lapis,” said Rayner, baring a mouthful of fangs in a grin of his own. “My little blue-haired girl is all grown up.”

 

#  **[END]**

 

* * *

 

  * **Post-Script Copyright Disclaimer:** “Sweet Apple Massacre” was originally written by bigmacintosh20111 (FFN.net account deleted), who may kindly keep it. ~~Preferably in the black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy, where nobody can see it.~~



 

 _A/N: Lapis has not had a true day in the limelight since her second recorded mission, and seeing as a few complaints have been lobbied by some of my readers about her being more than a little obnoxious and two-dimensional, I’ve been meaning for a while now to try fleshing out her character — a development which, as a former Sue, the poor thing has needed practically since I dropped her off at the PPC. For me, this mission was the perfect opportunity for that, partly because Lapis knows_ Avatar _all too well thanks to her homefic and partly because I hinted a while back that Rayner and his old partner were the ones who found her. So what better way to explore Rayner and Lapis’ relationship a little more than a mission where they worked together?_

 _One of the most important questions that my readers posed when I introduced Lapis as an agent was why I gave her that status without aging her up a tad, because there aren’t many agents who start work at the age of twelve AFAIK. The answer came to me when I thought about the fact that up until now, Lapis has not shared a significant pre-established event with any of the other agents I’ve written, though again, it’s been implied before that Rayner is a sort of big-brother figure to her, and that he nearly died during the “Sweet Apple Massacre”_ _fiasco. So I started thinking about not only that particular relationship but also how Lapis would have been affected by someone who truly cared about her being nearly murdered… and decided to salt the wound by having his_ partner _be even closer to her, and we all know what happened to him._ _Yes, I’m really cruel, thank you._ _As Lapis herself explained, she went through all the trouble of gaining agent status at an earlier age than other agents in order to continue Nick’s cause, because waiting for a few more years would’ve been way too painful for her_ _and would’ve made her wangst herself back into Suedom_ _. Overall, I hope this helps people understand her better as a character, and I certainly hope that makes this mission a more interesting read than the badfic!_

 _Speaking of the badfic… Reading through this thing a second time, I was a little surprised to learn that it was one of those fics that actually had a good deal of potential at first glance. The idea of following a new Avatar, in an entire new world of course, is a tempting one, especially given that there’s a lot of fun to be had in speculating about where the trends established by the events of_ Korra _, especially given the influences that events in the_ Avatar _canon had on the_ Korra _series itself. There are a lot of positive things to be said about it, though they’re a little overshadowed by… well, I’ll get to that in a bit. For example, although the agents found the action sequences run-of-the-mill enough to pay more attention to their little card game, I personally found them enjoyable to read and also par for the course as far as both series go. I also thought the characters that Keyx befriended weren’t too bad, either, even though most of them didn’t do very much. With a little more screentime, I think they could develop into their own characters in the same way that both Aang’s group and Korra’s did in their respective shows. Also, kudos for at least_ trying _to justify why those Arceus-forsaken Elves were in the mortal realm in the first place. The Spirit World is so vast that there’s no way of knowing for real whether an entire race of say, Elves or Goblins existed. The use of portals connecting the two worlds as a means of invasion (which is actually canon to LoK as of Season 3) may also explain why Chi is there, as I think he would feel more at home in the Spirit World or something, so that’s a plus._

 _Alas, as with so many other fics I’ve sporked that aren’t blatantly stupid, there are too many things that slip through the gaps, most notably in the worldbuilding department. For one thing, that’s_ not _how you name AtLA/LoK characters, for flock’s sake! This universe is inspired by Asian cultures primarily, and I think there may be some Native American influences as well but that’s just me. I seriously doubt European culture would fit unless that’s an Elf thing, and even then, why would you give the_ human _people and cities_ _names like Arabella, Tarok, or effing_ Luxemburg _(gag) for that matter?! Names that sound out-of-place always put me off no matter how engaging the story is. Ditto with Korra Beifong, who for a moment I actually confused with the_ canon _Korra (hence the joke Binary made about the group meeting her for real). Really, picking names for characters that don’t fit the canon is something that really bugs me, especially in fanfic. (If you want to learn how to name your_ Avatar _OCs correctly, by the way, I think_[ _this_](http://forums.avatarspirit.net/index.php?topic=10938.0) _post on AvatarSpirit.Net would be a good start.)_

 _The Stu himself is actually fairly tame as far as Avatar Stus go (and he even had a bit of a personality, too!), but for my taste, there were more than a few inconsistencies which just didn’t stick. The changes that can be made to fix them, luckily, are fairly simple. How come he hasn’t bended anything all his life and yet mastered Earthbending in a few months? Seriously, Aang and Korra both had at least one element mastered since they were children! So perhaps Keyx_ was _an Earthbender from birth, but being orphaned prevented him from learning how to do it properly and therefore his development of that skill would have to be rushed before the bluster-cluck known as the Season Finale™ takes place. Mastering Firebending at the drop of a hat thanks to Roku using Energybending? (Which, by the way, makes no sense at all!) That could stand to wait a season or two, since he needs to master Earthbending first and I’m pretty sure that’s a pretty gradual process. Bend more than one element despite knowing only Earthbending over the past few months? Perhaps a mixed heritage could be possible, and he may have inherited multiple bending arts from his family in that case (hey, it worked for_ Korra _). And lastly, and most importantly, stick to canon consistency! If the Avatar dies in the Avatar State, the world would_ lose _balance rather than gaining it because bam, no more Avatar! If you want to keep that plot element, it would be interesting to have Keyx_ not _be the Avatar after all, and saving the world would make a_ lot _more interesting challenge than trying to BS your way out of the canon violation. Otherwise, that detail may have to revised, because if you’ll excuse my bluntness, it is fundamentally incorrect._

 _Another gripe that’s a little subjective: This fic apparently tried to compress the equivalent of all three seasons of AtLA into_ one _season. If that really was the case, I’m not sure if it worked as well as intended, because that led to many, many things being rushed, along with too many characters jumping in too quickly. I have a feeling that if this fic were to continue (and a second “book” is apparently in the works, dear Arceus), it’s probably gonna stagnate sometime during Season 2._

 _Now to address the Donphan in the room: the Elves, and their effect on the story. I like the idea of villainous Elves. I really do. But the race as a whole needs a reason to act like the species-ist bloodthirsty pricks they are, and as far as I can tell, I can’t find any for the life of me. Generalization without justification, be it towards good or evil, is one of the biggest pitfalls of what I like to call a “Race of Hats” (a term I pretty much made up on the spot based on the_ [ _Planet of Hats_ ](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PlanetOfHats) _trope, tweaked a bit to suit a fictional race in case they inhabit more than one planet or they aren’t the only sentient species around). It’s perfectly okay to make a singular character a total dick for absolutely no reason, as long as their actions have consequences that affect them and the plot, but with an entire civilization, there’s a lot of room to experiment. I think a general characteristic of a race works best when it serves as a starting point for specific variations that either add variety to the characters or in some cases, challenge the stereotype and call its validity into question. That’s exactly what_ Avatar _did with the Fire Nation, and I’m sure the notion that the conflict isn’t so black-and-white (like how the Elves vs. Humans deal is in this fic) was one of the reasons why this series was so popular. This fic reduced it to plain old Black vs. White, however, and effectively undid what both canon series were striving for, which bugs me to no end._

 _And that’s not getting into how the Elves would affect the world they’re in. The presumed gap of a couple of centuries between the_ Korra _series and this fic would’ve given the Elves plenty of time to ransack everything after Korra died, no doubt because there isn’t going to be any Avatar to stop them anymore. If they really were as superior as they were depicted, I’m pretty sure they would’ve colonized the entire world by now, driven the humans to extinction, and let nature overgrow everything to make a more suitable habitat. I don’t see any descriptions of the full extent of their invasion, or any descriptions of scenery for that matter. Given the fact that there are other races besides both Elves and humans, and they’re basically minorities, I’m left wondering what the Elves did to those races that led to this being the case. Fantastic Racism, perhaps? In fact, I have way too many questions about the Elves’ existence that the fic simply failed to answer. How did the Elves go unnoticed by Aang, Korra, or the other Avatars before the invasion? What were the Elves doing in the Spirit World before they invaded? Why did they invade the mortal world when they had the Spirit World at their disposal? What would be an in-universe justification for turning the Avatar universe into a generic Fantasyland…?_

_…Sorry. I have really strong feelings about speculative fiction. Why do you think one of my original works revolves around future evolution it’s like one of my favorite topics to talk about :(_

_By the way, this is one of the longest missions I have completed that wasn’t: 1) co-written with someone else; 2) broken up into separate documents to better cover all the stupidity (I’m looking at you, “Connecting The Dots”); or 3) a sporking of the entire fic from the first chapter to the last one. There really were that many mistakes to point out, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to explore my agents’ histories a little either, so there’s that. I_ was _going to make it all the way to the tenth and final chapter, but after seeing that my mission was already almost 30 pages long after only the_ sixth _chapter, I decided to cut off the mission at the next major charge-worthy scene and call it a day, which was probably for the better in the end. As a certain pink party pony once put it, “[S]ometimes, our desire for responsibility can outrun our actual ability to handle it.”_

 

_— SkarmorySilver, who really needs to find shorter badfics to spork._

 

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Don’t believe us? [Look it up.](https://www.livescience.com/4555-world-prosthetic-egyptian-mummy-fake-toe.html)  
> 2) If you want to try a hand or four at Assumption yourself, the rules can be found [here](http://www.sff.net/people/lucy-snyder/brain/2005/12/playing-poker-with-tarot-cards.html). Be warned, though: You may need a lot of friends and a _lot_ of free time.  
> 3) Though that hasn't stopped people from sticking it to them anyway, and not without justification. There's a reason "[Screw You, Elves!](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ScrewYouElves)" has its own TV Tropes article.  
> 4) Fun fact: Korra’s name is derived from Cora, the dog who belonged to the owner of a hotel in Alberta, Canada which the _Korra_ show’s creators once stayed in. Cora is both Celtic and Greek for “maiden”; Earth Kingdom names are derived from either Chinese or Sanskrit in canon, so the Hindu name with the equivalent meaning is Gaurika (which, on an unrelated note, also translates to “cherry”).
> 
> Rescued minis:
> 
>   * _Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend of Korra:_
>     * Hundred Years War (mini-Flying Lemur)
>     * Air bender (mini-Sky Bison)
>     * Fire bender (mini-Dragon)
>     * Earth benders (mini-Badgermole)
>     * Water benders (mini-Unagi, adopted by SkarmorySilver)
>     * platipusbears (mini-Flying Lemur)
> 



End file.
